My son and I have decided not to exchange gifts. His philosophy, and I dare anyone to argue philosophy with my son, is that why should we feed into the mindless spending and gift-giving that everyone seems to be about? The real reason, is of course, Travis. Travis who loved Christmas. Travis who always kept a Christmas tree in his own room. Travis, the healer, the go-between, the feel-good person. We miss his quiet dignity, his absolute devotion, and his spontaneous outspokenness. We miss Travis, and it just can't be Christmas if he isn't here. There are a few who understand completely why we just really deep down want to bypass the whole holiday season. Go from Thanksgiving to January 2. But, it doesn't work that way. So, we make an effort. We put up a tree, we decorate the house, and we watch the cats bat the ornaments around the house like soccer balls. If one falls off, it takes us a few days to put it back. Somehow, we just don't care.
I don't think Dave and I are an item anymore. But I met this guy online, and he sounds wonderful. You'll never guess, but his name is Dave, too. Meaning also. Which is odd, as the last 3 men in my life have all been named Dave. Is this some kind of sign?
I started a new job. I like it. I'll probably go back. I understand that I will actually get paid. Cool, huh?
Oh, ho ho ho hum......
Listen while I bang the drum
Of loneliness, and heartbreak, too,
And a merry freaking Christmas to you....
Ah, but cheer up lassy,
It could always be worse
You might have to read
This horrible verse.
Think before you speak... Here are five reasons why you should think before you speak - The last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could Immediately take the words back... Or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow And asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word...
He knew better.
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls"
THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall and Passed by a store that sold a Variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, The boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, My sister has never let me forget.
FORTH TESTIMONY : While in line at the bank one afternoon, My toddler decided to release Some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of Her after receiving looks of disgust And annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you Kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and Walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY: Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, So of course I checked My seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. The realized that Danny Had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, And he said "No" I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
Bent over, spread his cheeks And yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better, Thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY: This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days And a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, In the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, The day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, Turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard! Now, didn't that feel good?