Nov 28, 2008

Post Thanksgiving post

Well, another Thanksgiving has come and gone, and I believe we all enjoyed ourselves. Though it seems that when you spend 12 hours or so preparing a meal, it should take at least as long to consume it. Bit much to ask, I suppose. Hope everyone else's Thanksgiving was equally blessed.

It was hilarious when just after eating, all the males in our small company fell instantly into a doze, sitting upright, snoring their asses off. This is when I lament the loss of my digital camera the most. And, not having a non-permanent marker!

Now we head into the most fearsome time of year, the Christmas season. Somebody tell me when its all over!

Nov 23, 2008

One of my favorite poems of all time:

Psyche with the candle

Archibald MacLeish (1892-1982)

Love which is the most difficult mystery
Asking from every young one answers
And most from those most eager and most beautiful--

Love is a bird in a fist:
To hold it hides it, to look at it lets it go.
It will twist loose if you lift so much as a finger.
It will stay if you cover it-- stay but unknown and
Either you keep it forever with fist closed
Or let it fling
Singing in fervor of sun and in song vanish.
There is no answer other to this mystery.

Nov 22, 2008

I'm still here

I'm trying to think of some good Thanksgiving topics to write about. I haven't dropped off the earth, just having problems thinking of good interesting topics. Anyway, hope I'll be back soon. Till I return:

A drunk in a bar pukes all over his own shirt, which was brand new before he came in. “Damn,” he says. “I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she’s gonna kill me.”

“Not to worry,” says the bartender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk’s pocket. “Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill.”

So the drunk goes home and tells his wife about the guy who puked on him. She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties. “Why are there two twenties?” she asks.

The drunk replies, “Oh, yeah, he crapped in my pants, too.”

Nov 17, 2008


I don't know what is going on with me these days. Every minute of every day I think of Travis. Is it a delayed reaction or the proximity of the holiday season? I don't know. I dream about him now most nights, and it is usually about when he was a child. Perhaps I long for that lost time, when things were as they should be.

Travis loved the holidays. All holidays. He had planned to be Batman to his son's Robin on the Halloween following his death. He loved Thanksgiving, and usually would sit in the kitchen with me, watching and talking, making me laugh. I remember him calling me from Hawaii, where he was stationed, asking me how to cook a turkey.

For Christmas, Travis had his own miniature tree in his bedroom. I remember when he was five, he punched little holes in all the gifts to see what everyone had gotten. His excitement and anticipation was so great, he couldn't wait.

Oh, I miss him so much. So many people tell me to not think about it, to let it go, to go on with my life, but right now, I don't know how. I am consumed with guilt, with anger, too. I remember once he told me, before he joined the military, that he would like to go to New York and become a comedian. All I could think of was his 19 year old self, alone in New York, and I did not support the idea. What if I had? What if I had encouraged him to follow that dream?

The worst part of all of this is not being able to go back and do things differently. To spend as much time with him as I could. But we don't know. We just never know what tomorrow brings. His son's birthday is coming up, and I cannot be a part of his celebration, his life. That has been denied me, and it hurts. His daughter turned 3 in September, and I have never seen her, except pictures I have gathered from the internet. His widow works hard to keep his memory alive and I wish I could be a part of her life, but she does not want that. And I don't know how to fix it. She has her reasons, and, to her they are valid. To me, it is devastating.

I am not the only one feeling this kind of agony. Anyone who has ever lost a child knows exactly what I mean. And, I think sometimes, we are avoided. As if being close to someone who has suffered such a tragedy might bring tragedy with them. I had a therapist tell me that grieving people are not that much fun to be around. I had another therapist tell me that talking about Travis too much was probably not a good thing. I had a neighbor tell me that I just grieved for my son, and not the others who had fallen with him. What do you say to these people?

I just don't know. But I still get up everyday. I still try to smile and enjoy what life I have carved out, which isn't that much right now. I depend too much on my oldest son, and know it would be healthier for him to live away from me. I think he feels he must be there for me. And he has his own grief to deal with. His own regrets.

I will try to celebrate these holidays, for Travis, if nothing else. I will try to embrace that same joy he always had, the same sense of quiet wonder at the simple beauty of family being together. But I miss him so much. So very, very much.

Nov 16, 2008

Race Crimes

When I read this article, (click on the title) I cried. It hurt me so much inside to think that we as a nation cannot overcome the prejudice that lurks just below the surface. Will we ever grow up??

In the state of Virginia there are signs that say we are a zero tolerance state, zero tolerance to drugs. I think we should become a zero tolerance nation, zero tolerance to racism. This article fills me with dread and unease. What lengths will people go to in this country to preserve their own narrow-minded view of the world? School children talking about wanting Obama to be assassinated. Grade school kids!! I think someone should sit down and have a long, serious discussion with these children's parents and hold them accountable for the hate and mistrust they are breeding.

I am so afraid for our President-elect. May God preserve and protect him.

And I am so sick of the hate and ignorance in this country.

Nov 14, 2008


So, I went to court today. Oh, what fun, what excitement, what an incredible waste of tax payer money here in the great state of Virginia. My case was dismissed, ahem, but it took forever for me to be called. For reasons I would rather not divulge at this time, I have gotten to know the court system here where I live, and it basically sucks.

My neighbor, one of the sweetest people I have ever met, was kind enough to take me to court and wait with me. (I lost my car.) So, I guess that means my carbon foot print is lower now? It was repossessed. I knew it was possessed the moment I got it, but I had hoped to hang on to it for a while. The repo man is making some big bucks round here!! But, these things happen, n'est pas?

The most interesting case I watched while waiting involved a black man who was spotted speeding by a state trooper on Hwy 460, near a small town called Zuni. The speeder entered the small, tiny town and tried to lose the cop who was fast on his tail. And, he did manage to evade the trooper until, for whatever reason, he managed to overturn his vehicle. The dogged policeman pulled up behind the wreck just as the driver was crawling out the driver's side window, and then promptly ran into the woods. (The driver, not the cop!)

Now, after running through the woods for a short distance he came upon a trailer park, and ran up to a trailer where a woman was looking out of her back door. He yelled, "Help me, help me!" through the sliding glass door. The woman asked if he was hurt, and he said yes, and she said I'll call 911, at which he said "No!!" Evidently the woman then tried to lock her door, while the man tried to open it. The woman managed to lock her door, and call 911, where she reported a man trying to break into her house. However, the man had disappeared.

He approached another trailer, banged on the front door, and went through pretty much the same thing with another woman. The man asked this woman to call his grandmother instead of 911. This woman, after calling 911, called her brother-in-law, who arrived on the scene with a snow shovel, ready to throttle the fugitive soundly. The state trooper finally arrived on the scene as well, and watched while the emergency medical personnel were pulling the man out from underneath the trailer. He was examined and air-lifted to Norfolk General Hospital.

I found it somewhat telling that the witnesses for the defense were all white. The big scary black man had knocked on their door and damned if they didn't call 911. Everyone knows that when someone has been in an accident and doesn't want you to call 911, they probably have a damned good reason, like no insurance, or something! I still can't understand what the grandmother was supposed to do, other than maybe give the man a ride home.

His court-appointed attorney actually cross-examined the witnesses! I was stunned! It was just such a rare event! The defendant was eventually convicted of eluding the police, failure to maintain his vehicle, and driving on a suspended license. The suspended license was why he ran in the first place!! But, sitting there, watching this story unfold, was actually pretty entertaining.

Nov 12, 2008

My Veteran's Day Post

I had a post prepared for Veterans Day, but lost it somewhere in a little application that comes with Firefox called ScribeFire. I saved it as a note, but don't know how to retrieve the note. But it went something like this.

God bless all those who have served and are serving our country. I remember my family members who have served, through World War II, the Viet Nam War, and Operation Iraqi Freedom. I miss my son everyday. Every moment of everyday. And that will never change. But God bless those he served with and all those who have served before him. He keeps good company in Arlington.

Those who choose to serve in our military do what the rest of us cannot. Let us never forget the sweat, the tears, and the blood they have shed in defense of our great country. They deserve our respect, our support, and our humility. I thank them, all who serve. May we as a nation always remember and venerate their sacrifice.

Nov 7, 2008

The Difference between a Hummer and a Mini Cooper

I have been puzzling over a situation that happened to a very good friend of mine. It is of a personal nature, but we are such good friends, sometimes people can't tell us apart. So, I know she will not mind if I share this dilemma with all of you.

My good friend met a man, a tall robust man, who she began dating. He was funny, masculine, pleasant to be around, and they really seemed to hit it off. He was like, well, let's just say the "Hummer"of a man she had been looking for. Their relationship progressed to the point where they knew it would become physical. So, my friend, being adventurous, and in need of male companionship, prepared to seduce her "Hummer".

Candlelight, music, a few spirits to ease the mind, and low and behold they found themselves together as God made them. (naked!!) My friend's situation began when she found that despite the large feet, broad shoulders, and impressive hands of her "Hummer", he, in fact, proved to be a "Mini-Cooper". She found herself wondering, "What the ....? Oh, my God!! What am I going to do?"

And, indeed, what could she do? To make it worse, her would-be lover was well aware, and quite outspoken, about his, er, shortcoming, Now she felt herself in the position of a would-be cheerleader! "No, no, it's fine, why its remarkable... I can't wait!! I just can't wait!!"

She believes that their relationship was consummated on that night, but she's not quite seems that not only was his engine compact, but it had some minor malfunctions. After tinkering with it for some time, she believes that it revved up and performed to some satisfaction. As she says, "I believe I was just along for the ride."

Now, she tells me she is unsure how to extracate herself from this relationship. She tried the "let's be friends" angle, but it didn't seem to satisfy her "Hummer", er, "Mini Cooper". She asked me, "What would you do?" I could not come up with a satifactory solution, other than run for dear life!! She felt that would be cruel.

So, I ask you, dear reader, what would you do?

Nov 5, 2008

Congratulations to President-Elect Barack Obama

I voted yesterday. And as I was going into to the voting area I passed many people offering me pamphlets and sample ballots, Republican and Democrat, and was amazed at the turn-out. When I got to the door to go in and vote, a gentleman came up to me, a voting official, and asked if I had a cell phone, which I didn't, and then looked at the papers I had been given. He said I could take the Republican propaganda into the voting area, but not the material given me by the Obama supporters. Not wanting to cause a scene, I kept my questions to myself, (why the hell not??), threw all the papers in the trash can, and voted. There were as many cops there as voters, it seemed. What they were expecting to happen, I don't know. But I have never seen anything like it. But it's all history now, and what history it is!

WE WON!!! We did it! Congratulations to Barack Obama! I watched CNN (and the Daily Show Special) up until he made his acceptance speech, and then I finally relaxed. It was a wonderful speech, and no matter what anyone says, I am in love with this guy! Finally, finally we have a president who is eloquent, compassionate, knowledgeable, and presidential. I still feel excited, and hopeful. I would have loved to have been in Chicago last night. What a magnificent outpouring of love and victory!

I couldn't help thinking that if John McCain had spoken to the people throughout this campaign in the same manner in which he made his concession speech last night, from the heart, with such dignity, he might have made a much better impression and improved his chances in this election.

A new day is dawning, and it is only the beginning.

Nov 2, 2008

Such and such

I finally upgraded my FireFox this morning. I know that's a big relief for you guys. Its a pretty good browser to me.

Halloween has come and gone, and Daylight Savings has ended, so I have to reset all my stupid clocks. We had one trick-or-treater. Probably a good thing, too, as we didn't have any candy. (I don't see anything wrong with pennies.) They all go to the pricier neighborhoods anyway. So, I'm poor. And who cares?

The little 'bambino' is growing and having problems with colic, I think. Anyway, he cries a great deal. Now we are starting the big debate about when to introduce cereal, (or gruel, because that's what it looks like), to his diet. The doctors say nothing but formula for 10 years....nope, excuse me, that was 1 year. But when have we ever listened to doctors?

I saw a new doctor the other day. He gave me something called seroquel, said it would make me sleep better...guess what? It did. I do not like it, though, as it also made me eat everything I could put my hands on. Guess I'll just make do with, oh, dare I say it?, exercising everyday. I used to love to exercise. This was before I developed bone spurs on my spine, and tore up my rotator cuffs. No, its not something on the car, they are on my shoulders. Anyway, now when I try to turn this way, my back says, "Fuck that!" My shoulders? I hear them swear as well, and they wonder if I've lost my mind! (You want us to do what!!?") I guess I will have to start walking. This is an activity I have heard about that requires one to put on shoes, leave the house, and ramble around for a period of time until they can come back home. Its supposed to be good for you. Doctor's just about shit their pants, they get so damned happy, when you tell them you have started walking! Which is a good thing, but when have we ever wanted to make our doctors happy?

I visited an online political forum, and was called Comrade by some bozo who is voting the McCain-Palin ticket because he is a crazy person. I try to stay away from message boards and forums as they tend to aggravate the hell out of me. Anyway, the election is almost over, and they are predicting record voter turn-outs all over the place. I can't wait to meet Mickey Mouse in person! It will almost be like waiting in line to get concert tickets or some such shit. And, that's pretty apt, because everyone knows that OBAMA ROCKS!!!