Aug 30, 2010

This was a picture of my mother taken circa 1939. It is probably the most precious thing my family had. That, and a picture of my Grandparents at their wedding, which I do not have. That picture was the prize, and the frame was very old. I would love to have that picture, or a copy, at least.

I think it says a lot about my families priorities in that there were no pictures that I can recall of my father's parents, or of him on his wedding day. My father worked hard keeping us together, and my mother worked equally hard trying to make a home for us, however it was, and to instill in us a fierce love for independence, good or bad. We have all had times when we needed help, but working up the raw courage to ask for it was horrendous. It was our option of last resort.

As kids we all knew that when we hit 18, we were out the door. Or at least that is the impression I was left with. One of my sisters came home to find that my mother had already packed her things for her. They didn't get on that well. That must have made a very lasting impression on my sister. She has proven very successful in her life, and now raises her grandson. I haven't spoken to her in almost 9 years, and wonder if I ever will. She has shut us out of her life, and I'm really not sure why. I hear she spends a lot of time at home, in her room, which, come to think of it was my mother's way of dealing with things. She went in her room, and you knocked always to enter. Conversely, my mother never knocked on a door in her life.

But, we sisters are all turning into my mother, slowly but surely. We all have a tendency toward distrust, and analyzing motives, but it is not that strong in me. I wish it was, at times. I have been taken for a ride many times but untrustworthy individuals, and could never quite grasp the concept of using someone so viciously for your own ends. Perhaps I have unknowingly used people, thinking I was doing something altruistic, but actually being very selfish in my rationale.

I don't know that my mother's sons inherited that aspect. They were looked on more favorably than the girls, as they were, just that, boys. And in keeping with that tradition, it is I guess in some way right that my oldest brother ended up with all the land my father worked so hard, so very, very hard to keep. I have always thought of owning land as a transient thing.Land as something we borrow on this earth, and happen to use it for a while, calling it our own. I understand that fortunes are made with land, but 50 years from now, who will care, who will remember? Hopefully we give something back, such as my father did, with the trees he planted, and the gardens he cultivated. My brother has also followed in his footsteps, in giving back to the land we called home.

And, I guess that's what makes this not just rambling, but a truth. When my mother passed away, that sense of home, the feeling we grew up with was gone. It evaporated, and left behind a house where my father would live, and I would live with him, but it never was really home again. We were waiting. And now, it is no more.

Aug 20, 2010

Nancy Pelosi on Ground Zero

OK, there's this big debate going on about the building a Mosque close to ground Zero.  Where the twin towers were.  I guess the anger about this comes from the word "Mosque" meaning a place where Muslims will worship.  And the word "Muslim" conjures up the word "Terrorist".  Well, if that is the case then the word "Jew" would conjure up the word "holocaust" and then the word "Nazi", and we would assume that all Germans are Nazi's, and I know for a fact they are not.

By not letting a mosque be built on what we now consider to be sacred ground, as so many lost their lives there, we are denying the basic principle on what our country was founded.  Freedom of religion is why we are all here.  The pilgrims came here to get out of the repressive society they found themselves in regarding religion.  It was either come here, or be burned as a heretic.  It would mean that all those who have fought and died defending the principles of this country and our Constitution are getting a big slap in the face.

I say go ahead, build your Mosque, worship as you wish.  Not every Muslim is a terrorist, not every Arab is a terrorist, not every person from the middle east is a terrorist.  We have got to stop the racial profiling sometime.

Aug 11, 2010

I haven't written anything worth reading in about a year now.  Don't know why.  I guess I lost interest in it all.  School has kept me busy, that's for sure.  I am learning a great deal about medical billing and coding, and its like learning a foreign language.

I have an account on Tagged, and I buy and sell people as pets.  Its a game of sorts, but its really odd in a way.  Is this the way slave owners felt?  It's kinda sick in a way.  Buying people as pets.  But, what the hell, I do it.  I have few luxuries in my life at this time.  But that's OK.  My son is doing so great.  I am so proud of his ass, you have no idea!  He is learning to cope with life's challenges without any mood-altering substance.  He is becoming a body builder of sorts, which is OK, as this releases endorphins which do enhance mood, but also promote a healthy heart, lungs, and health.

I just got back from the mailbox, which is about a block away, and my back killed me the whole way.  I don't take any kind of narcotic pain medicine, and I'm seriously thinking about seeing a orthopedic surgeon.  Maybe they can do something.  I have disc degeneration, and spurs on my spine and they suck balls.

I have been seeing my granddaughter, Axxxxxxx, frequently this summer and that is wonderful.  She was sitting on the sofa and we were talking about this and that, and suddenly she told me she thought she had crabs.  OK, two things popped into my head....she's had sex!  my sofa has to be sprayed and then the whole house!  Come to find out though, she described the symptoms of a yeast infection, which is probably due to hormonal changes.  I used to have them all the time.  So, I explained all of that to her, and was so relieved to find out it wasn't crabs. (my sofa!)  She told me one of her friends told her you could get crabs by touching someones hand, or drinking after them.  So we talked about that.  And it really amazed me to find out that even though this generation is bombarded with sexual information wherever they go, they still give each other useless information, just like we did!  Remember when you could get a venereal disease from a toilet seat?  Remember when someone said they were almost a virgin?  Those were the days!  Our generation had to learn everything the hard way.  To ask our parents about sex was just not done.  Oh, they would tell us not to get pregnant, but didn't tell us how not to.  They would tell us to be a lady and not lose our reputation, but didn't explain exactly how that would happen.

Things have changed for the better.  Now all a kid has to do to learn about sex is just watch a comedian perform his act.  He'll tell you just about everything you need to know.  Except Lewis Black, my favorite comedian in the whole world. He says fuck a lot, but its just an adjective mostly. I love this man.