Sep 28, 2008

The Debates, what else?

Things are slowly improving on the home front, which is a blessing.  Soon there will be a new member to our household.  My roommate is in the hospital giving birth even as I write this.  I was supposed to be there with her, but haven't found a ride yet.


I watched the first presidential debate.  I think a new rule should be instated, a rule giving Barak Obama the option of walking across the stage and beating the crap out of John McCain.  When he brought up his experience of being in Iraq when troops re-inlisted, I wanted to choke him.  He had nothing to do with their choices to re-inlist.  And I wonder how many re-inlistments were a direct result of soldiers not wanting to leave their comrades-in-arms?  One would think that if anyone knew about the power of survivor's guilt, John McCain would!

The only other thing that jumped out at me while watching the debates was Jim Leher's frustration at trying to get the candidates to answer the questions. Maybe Judge Judy should moderate the next debate.."It's a simple yes or no answer..." 

If John McCain had dropped anymore names, I would have puked.  Does he think that trying to associate himself with Ronald Reagan will endear him to the voters he is trying to entice: The younger voters, who, I believe, can smell bullshit a mile away?

Why wouldn't John McCain look directly at Barak Obama?  What's that about?  I thought he must have been too scared...


I watched a wonderful movie this morning, Rebecca.  If you have never watched this movie, I hope you do sometime.  And thank God no one has decided to do a remake.  The movie is absolute perfection. 

Sep 21, 2008


I want to thank everyone for the kind prayers and good thoughts.  Things are slowly improving.  I tell myself to take one day at a time, but it is difficult to do.  It seems we want things so badly, that we try to live in the future by thinking of what we want to happen so much, that it will magically be.  Of course, its impossible to live in the future, and we really don't know what the future will bring.  That leaves us with hope, and doing what we can today to accomplish our goals and dreams.

I feel at times that I am coming out of a fog, or a long illness.  Perhaps this is the normal course of events, a part of the grieving process.  Not that I am done with grieving, just that the intensity and focus of my grief is changing.  I think often of the past, and how precious it actually was.  But, we can not live in the past either.  I think sometimes as I fall asleep that if only I could awaken in an earlier time, when my children were small.  I tell myself I would cherish each and every second, and ignore my wants and needs.  But would that really happen?  I try to find comfort in telling myself I did the best I could do with what I had, yet knowing full well that perhaps that wasn't always the case. 

We live our lives and try to do the best we can.  Recriminations and regrets for past mistakes really don't  change anything, as much as we would like it to.  And, so, what are we left to do?  Try to make amends in some small way?  What if that option is gone as well?  How do we accept that which we cannot change?  I wish I had the answer, but, unfortunately I do not.  How would you "accept that which we cannot change"?

Sep 14, 2008

Prayers needed

I am a spiritual person. I know it may not seem like it with the language I use, but I am. I don't think God is as nit picking as we make him out to be. I think many times we give God human failings, that he probably doesn't possess. I have taken to reading about the Gnostic view of faith and learning, and I like it. Anyway, I am making a request.

My oldest son is going through one of the more difficult times he has faced in his life. If anyone out there prays, please include him in your thoughts. If you don't pray then please send good thoughts his way.

I have been hanging around today, trying to make a prayer circle for him. It doesn't matter to me what name you give your God, its your faith that counts.

I guess we are both going through a rough time, but, hopefully we'll make it. Sometimes I wonder if I am being punished for my past transgressions. Then I think that is probably not the case at all. Life has been very confusing in many ways these past three years. But life finds a way. I pray my son does too.