Ramblings from the outside of nowhere

I was just over at Queen Anne's Revenge, (sorry, my linking ability is nil), and got the idea about this post from her.

When I stayed with my dad, being what some would call a primary care-giver, but I called a privilege, we had a horrible time with raccoons. Every night they came up to back porch and ate the cat's food out side. We lived out in the boonies, and these rascals were everywhere.

Sometimes, they would bring the whole family. Roscoe, my cat, loved to look out the window and hiss at them. When three baby raccoons climbed up and looked in the kitchen window, I thought he was going to have a stroke.

I tried everything I could think of to run them off. When I saw them on the porch I opened the door, and of course they took a dive under the porch. I would stand there, cussing, and see little raccoon eyes peeking at me from the other side of the porch. One time, when the whole family came to visit, they all jumped under the porch, having one of those family squabbles, and my cat ran out the door, and jumped under the porch with them. Shit, I thought, there goes one good cat.

Evidently, he was just acting as a mediator, because he emerged from underneath the porch, unscathed. Once I took a bottle of canned air to clean the computer with and sprayed one in the face, which he did not like. Then, turning around, catching him looking at me from the other side, I sprayed him again. Every so often, however, I would see a poor bedraggled female, ravenous and desperate, and put some food out for her. I know, I know, stupid idea. But, having been a mother, I knew how she felt.

I finally got fed up and called the Department of Wildlife, or some such shit. I told him about my raccoon problem. He told me blah, blah, blah, don't put any food out, don't get near them, and, no, spreading human hair around the porch wouldn't deter them. I said, "Well, can't you come out and relocate them to their natural habitat?" (Watching too much National Geographic I guess) He paused, and said, "Ma'am, um, they are in their natural habitat." I looked around at the open fields and wooded hills, and said, "Oh!" Felt right foolish about then.

I do think Raccoons are beautiful animals, and we actually trapped one, after catching most of our cats first. He was huge and just sat in the cage and looked at me, like, "What's up with this? I thought we had an understanding." So, for whatever reason, I let him go. Off he ran, straight up a tree, where he watched me, trying to decide whether I was friend or foe. He didn't come down until I went back in the house, so I guess I fell into the foe category.

I do know that you don't ever want to get too close to them. They are not pets. They will tear you to pieces if they so desire. Just ask any self-respecting hound dog, he'll tell you. They never went away, so I just started setting big bowls of cat food away from the house, and we finally lived in peace and harmony. Actually, I kind of miss the little buggers. Especially the babies. The cutest things you ever saw.