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Jul 19, 2007

Been visiting blogs I shouldn't visit again. Sometimes, you don't know you shouldn't until you get there, and start reading. This particular post compared the casualties of the war in Iraq with the causalties of the civil war, World War II, and the Viet Nam conflict. Evidently, the casualties of the war in Iraq are pretty negligible compared to the other wars. I can see the point. As a matter of fact, I looked it up one time. Civilian and military casualties.

Evidently, for supporters of the war, this is a good sign, meaning that because the casualties are not so bad, per se, why, there's no reason to not stay and put up the good fight and see this thing through to the end.

Of course the lack of casualties is because of increased technology, and supposedly better protective gear for the ground forces.

It recounts the battle of Iwo Jima, and the brave men who fought and died there. After we were attacked by Pearl Harbor. In this devastating attack on the United States, eight battleships, eleven other naval vessels, and 188 aircraft were destroyed. The death toll was 2,280 soldiers and sixty-eight civilians, and 1,109 people were wounded.

Not quite as much as the current casualties in Iraq, but close.

It is an interesting and well researched article.

And it makes me want to cry and cry and cry. I don't care about figures and comparisons, and how this war differs from that one. I don't care about winning this war, I just want it to stop so no one else loses a husband, or a wife, or a mother, or a brother, or a sister, or a cousin, or a friend. I want these young men to come home.

What would we be winning? What exactly is the goal to be won? Someone remind me, because I don't remember. If it's to put a stop to terrorism, well, I don't think that's going to happen. That I just don't think will ever happen. If you look at Colombine, well, hell, we're growing them right here at home.

I just don't want to read anymore about how its ok for our guys over there to die because it falls within someone's parameters of whats acceptable losses for a war. I don't ever want to read that again. I don't want to hear it again. Its my choice. I'll stick my head in the sand. Why not? I have no happy face to put on today.

Its getting to be more real everyday. The fact that Travis is gone. And, no matter what I do, no matter how much I bargain, or how good I try to be, it won't bring him back. I guess after two years I would start to let go somehow, but its just so hard to do. Its almost too much to bear. I've lost my father, I've lost my mother, I've lost my sister, friends, people I have cared about, but nothing, nothing is like this pain. And it never goes away.

I have said it before, but I'll say it again. It becomes the point in your life from which all else is defined. It is the
line where you say 'before or after'. And, its not that people don't sympathize. Or that people don't care. Some actually do. Its that my little boy is gone and he's never coming home. Ever.

This is why I shouldn't read these posts. This is what it brings to mind. Not that the war is good or bad. Not that God is real or not. Not that Bush or Cheney should be impeached. For me, it just reminds me that my little boy is never coming home.

And that's it.



15 comments:

singleton said...

I can't think of any words big enough to wrap you in, to hug you with, to touch you with. And this should remain Untitled. There are no words big enough to encompass the sadness, the loss, the wrongness of what is happening...

love.....
The only word I can think of to hold onto.....

alphonsedamoose said...

Words cannot express my sorrow for you. I can't imagine losing one of my children. God bless you.

psycho-therapist said...

dee,
i wish every person in power making decisions had to read your post. you are the voice of all mothers. my heart goes out to you.

Scott from Oregon said...

That might be IT but that is an awful lot.

You have a every concievable right to be heartbroken and angry.

Babzy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SJ said...

What can I say ...{{{{hug}}}}

dawn said...

I wish I could come down there and hug ya and then go get plastered. I do understand some of your pain.I hope never to know the full extent. I have found some blogs do depress me somuch that I don't go back. I don't think you shoulsd read them. Try and have a nice weekend Deb, you know you can always e-mail if you need to
Smooches

just me said...

Thank you all for your kindness and compassion and understanding. I may look like a sympathy junkie, I don't know, maybe I am. Sometimes, its hard to separate what is and what isn't right now. And its very difficult not to blame myself for all that has happened. That was my job. To keep him safe. I guess all parents who have lost a child know that feeling.
But, I do appreciate your kindness. Don't ever think that I don't. God bless all of you. Whoever or whatever you call God. Or if you do not believe, then may the wind be always at your back.

Catmoves said...

You're right Deb. I too have found web sites I will never go back to. The sadness they can create without intending to is just a fact of life. Take comfort where you can, including my thoughts for you. Bless you.

Shrink Wrapped Scream said...

I think I know the post, I also know he is firmly against the war in Iraq. I'm so sorry if reading his post caused you this sorrow. He's a History teacher, he was trying to argue why past wars continued, and how wrong they also were. That is of no concern nor interest to a mother whose child has been forever ripped away from her, I know. My heart breaks at the very idea of what you are going through. I pray for peace, as I'm sure any sane person must. Big hugs, bonny lass. x

skinnylittleblonde said...

(((JustMe)))I am so sorry for your tremendous loss & never-ending heartache over your son. Perhaps you read blogs such as that to remind yourself or maybe even to allow you the opportunity to shed more teras. Although you could probably cry a lifetime, sometimes we need an impetus to add validation to what we already know, something we've already cried 1000x over and could cry a million times more for. It may feel unhealthy at the moment, but it may be quite healthy in the long run. peace & love to you sweet heart...

Enemy of the Republic said...

I've been avoiding the war posts for different reasons, but I can see your point. Bless you, my friend.

Babzy said...

Oh Deb, all moms are crying with you. It's such a lonely pain to lose a child. We're all here with you.

eric313 said...

I appreciate the history, too. And like you I agree that this war needs to end, all wars need to end. WWII was the only war that had to be fought. This one did not have to be fought, or president dragged us to it in the name of patriotism, for purposes we will arguie about for years, with goals that can't be met--and they knew it! But secret goals; those deemed needed by the nation. What ever they are, I doubt they are good enough for one death, or one gulf war syndrome baby, or one more miamed or burnt or man or woman driven insane by conflict on the street, outside a VA hospital or anywhere. They shouldn't have to be that way, since this was a war that did not need to be fought. Was it freedom or oil prices? Would it matter if we knew the truth? I doubt it, as if we will ever be told the truth again.

I understand you, Justmme. I wish what you wish for. Believe me.

Orhan Kahn said...

I recently posted an article about the amount of bullets used in Iraq. I do hope you understand that I find the war interesting. My political stance on the war is a whole other matter. As far as I'm concerned you're the very reason soliders should be sitting on the borders of our beautiful countries protecting us, first and foremost.

Your blog always leaves me with a flurry of emotions, mostly jaded at the state of human condition.

You are an inspiration, unexplainable as that is, you certainly are.