Jul 13, 2007

Absolute Silliness

I think it was last night, not the night before, that was when 24 robbers came knocking at my door.

Course when they came in through the front door, I lit out the back, like my ass was on fire.) I know, sometimes I don't make any sense at all. Who would have thunk it.

Anyway, I guess my tail-feathers are a bit ruffled today. One of the "butt" girls took off with my son the other night. I know, if I was his dad, I would be saying, "Hey, way to go boy!" and patting him on the back, maybe even buy him a cigar or some such, but I don't like the girl.

Call me the evil mother-in-law to be. It wouldn't be the first time. Its just that I know she hangs around with the cracker on the bike, which leads me to believe maybe she's a cracker too. If you get my drift. I know, I know, my son is a grown ass man. He can make his own decisions without Mom's input. But, this is how it went down.

They are sitting on my front porch, again. It's 10:30 at night, and I decided to limp outside and play hide and seek with the little rugrats. I told them I would count to 3000, so they could go hide, and then I would come and look for them. I got to 5, and they said they were "READY!" I walk behind the house, and instead of hiding they are running around like monkeys, wanting me to chase them. I said I was too old, and that when I shined the flashlight beam on them, they were tagged. We did this three times, and then they decided to play something else. That right
there is proof there is a God.

My son keeps making remarks that insinuate maybe I should go inside. Like, "Mama, why don't you go in the house?" You don't have to hit me in the head with a ball peen hammer. I can take a hint. So, I come in and my neighbor friend comes and gives me updates, on the goings on on the porch. At about 1:00, I decide to lay down, and I hear loud music coming from my front yard.

Ok, I have done my time with the loud music, and lets see how much the neighbors like that! But, now that I've reached old fartdom, I have more respect for our neighbors. So, I go out and find out that the Butt girl has pulled her horse trailer truck up close enough to my house where she can turn her radio up sky high and listen to the golden tones of "Smoking in the Boys Room". She is 42 fucking years old. I ask her to please turn her truck radio down. They say, "Oh, come on its not that loud!" She says, "I didn't do it. My son did that."

I'm thinking, please God, don't let me turn into my mother right now. Please! She blamed it on her son. Like a 5 year old. I was cool. I didn't say anything.

Came back in, got comfortable, and five minutes later, the music is cranked up again. Ok, this time I am pissed. I haven't had to do this since the boys were 14 or so. So, I go out and ask again, "Would you please turn the music down?"

Then my son, my darling, says, "So, I guess you don't want me to have any fun?" He was saved because my arm will only reach so far. I wanted to snatch him bald-headed, but I just looked at all of them, and said, "This is bull-shit!" So, having laid everyone out with that parting shot, I went back in.

Then EJ strolls in and says he's going down the street and will be back tomorrow or sometime, so I won't be bothered by the music or anything. I said fine.

Part of me says I am being totally unreasonable, another part says I am being a mom, and another part says, get in your car, and go to New Mexico and look for Area 51. I might have relatives there, I'm not sure.

Now he's off to get his friend who is recovering in his wheel chair, and tonight he'll do his Forest Gump impersonation and they'll all call him Lt. Dan. He does sound exactly like Forest though. It's amazing.

I think it would help if I still was a drinking woman. Made a big pitcher of strawberry marguerites, or something. But, alas, I do not.


dawn said...

My heart goes out to you, First I have to say I am 42 and you would love me alas my butt has been married almost 22 years. Second It would be like dating my son who is 21. Okay I'm sorry they have nothing in common. I love my son and his friends but they are 21 year old morons. Now your son is a good looking kid what does this butt girl really want. Just be careful and be the best bitch you can be. I would be looking out too, your a good mom. I like loud music but my mom used to scream at me and even my kids have said turn it down but in my house now they know after 10 I'll pull the wires out. I'll have a drink for the both of us(when I can get to a bar)Have a great weekend

just me said...

You too, babe, and I thank you for your support. And I am unanimous in my decision.

alphonsedamoose said...

just me: By the time these kids get to our age, they will be totally deaf. I am only part way there. Keep on bitching, your neighbours will love you.

Babzy said...

Gawd that marguerita looks good.

Thorne said...

Oh, Deb... I can sympathize. I can only imagine how I might act! I'd prolly mortify him by doing something like handing the Ho a condom and saying, "Remember babe, no glove, no love". *cackle* I was always grateful that my daughter never did any of the neighbors!! (She was always pretty picky anyway, thank Goddess!)
So you don't drink, either?? Are you a friend of Bill's?

Katherine Mercurio Gotthardt said...

So this is what I have to look forward to, huh???? Me oh my.....

I used to love loud, metal music. Now I get noise sensitive. I think it has something to do with having kids. By the time I am 50, I am sure I will be completely intolerant.

Mary said...

Sometimes I wonder if I used to be like the butt girls. Nah...I never could have been that bad. While my son was home from leave he had many a butt girl. I know because strangely they run into me here and there and confess. WTF is up w/that? Someone came up to my youngest and said "Is your brother dating soandso cause she's a whore?" My son said "So. My brother is too." Gotta love 'em.

Shrink Wrapped Scream said...

I don't think it'd improve mother/son relations any, but if some dirty old woman came along and seduced my boy, I'd be perfectly happy to slaughter her, and peg her carcass out on my roof, to stand warning to any other "hot mommas" there might be out there..

I feel for you, it's a no-win situation. (hugs)

just me said...

Mary, I used to think all men were whores, but its really just the young and horny ones. And the old and horny ones. Well, that kinda is like all men, ain't it?

Carol, I know. It is a no win situation. My best bet is to butt out, ha, but this girl gives off some evil vibes, man, like its so weird...

Catmoves said...

Deb, I gotta confess. I love bang bang loud, loud music (including toneless crap) so long as I can't hear it.
I accomplish this feat by knowing exactly which wires to pull out so that repair of any machine will cost more than the thing itself.