Dec 26, 2006

Twas the Day After Christmas

*Twas the day after Christmas,
And all through the trailer,
There were boxes and bows
And bubble wrap paper.

There were toys everywhere
And that blasted guitar!
Whoever bought that one,
I'll make him see stars!

I in my blanket
My cats on the bed
Roscoe, the gray one,
Kept pawing my head.

Get up! He was saying
It's time we should eat!
So I climbed from my bed
House shoes on my feet.

I stumbled to the kitchen
Falling only three times,
I got them their cat food,
Stopped their catty whine!

One guest still asleep
On the sofa, and there,
There was the little one
With the pretty blonde hair!

Up with the sun, she
Climbed out of bed,
Turned on the TV,
Sat on the guests head.

"Get off me!" he cried!
Still trying to snooze.
Well, good luck with that one!
This one you'll lose!

The blond little girl
Sat beside him instead,
Contenting herself with
Just punching his head.

We all still remembered
Her screams of delight!
Her running and jumping
From morning till night!

I ventured forward,
With silence and glee,
"I can probably take her.
She's smaller than me."

A pillow, I thought,
Would just be the thing
Just over that mouth,
What peace it would bring!!

How one little girl
Just six, and so fine
Could drive us all mad
With that ear-piercing whine?!

"Stop!, get a grip,"
I chastized myself.
She's sweet and a child!
Get hold of yourself!

She's watching TV
She's quiet and calm
Best enjoy this peace,
This silence, sweet balm

To poor fractured nerves
From yesterday's madness.
It won't last for long,
I thought with great sadness.

Why one day a year
Do we torture ourselves,
Cause of some hateful Santa,
And his mean little elves?

He stops by our house
Leaving chaos, such strife!
And then the mean bastard
Sneaks off in the night!

Its not her fault,
I reminded myself.
Its that blasted ole Santa
And his sorry ass elfs!

I promise myself
Next year will be better.
I'll whip Santa's ass
With his boots made of leather.

I'll give him a beating
He won't soon forget.
And I hope he'll remember
What house he was at.

But until I catch him

And give him his due,
I hope that your Christmas
Was as hectic for you!!

*This was written by a demented old lady, and does not represent the views of the blogger. Well maybe they do, but don't get your underwear in a bunch. You weren't here!!


The Future Was Yesterday said...

ROTFL!! I do believe this was the most honest thing written about this holiday!:)

Been two kids, 5 and 2 at the time, my Sister's FIVE kids, 10 on down...and of course, their dog.

AAARGH!!!!!!! When you catch that old fart, give his ass a kick for me!:)

And Merry Christmas to You!!!

spadoman said...

beautiful, just beautiful.

Mary said...

Too funny! Yes my Christmas was that hectic! I am still exhausted. I think I will lay on the couch ALL week.

Fuzzylogic said...

Wow,that was some parody and a great one at that!My kid is still too young for Santa but she can create a scream that are strong enough to pierce my eardrums and fry my brain cells at one go,maybe there's a reason why that fat old meanie guy didn't show up this year,she must have scared him away:)