Mar 6, 2008


I hate my medication, but I'm afraid to stop taking it. It works. My moods are pretty stable, and I'm not nearly as paranoid as I used to be. I can let worries go for a while, which is wonderful. I used to spend hours ruminating over the most ridiculous things. However, abilify seems to stem my creative juices.

My blog is becoming leaner and leaner all the time. I think of things to write about, then promptly forget what it was when I sit down to write. Could be writers block, I'm not sure. Anyway, I miss my somewhat skewed vision of life and its follies. I may take a writing hiatus. If I don't post for awhile, that is why. I will continue to read the blogs I love and catch up on new ones I've discovered.

Maybe I can even make adjustments to my meds where I can unlock my creativity again. Actually its very common for people with Bipolar disorder to hate their medication. The very thing it corrects is the aspect of the disease that most sufferers love: creativity, high risk behavior, and grandiosity. Who wouldn't want to fill like they are the smartest, sexiest, and most driven person in the world? Alas, its a facade, but while you're in it, it seems so real. Though we tend to make asses of ourselves, we don't see it. We think we are normal and everyone else is slowed down. Which is also why bipolar people are so hard to get along with. Its not just the mood swings, it's that grandiosity rearing its ugly head.

Anyway, I love you all, and will be back as soon as I can. Which, for me, could be ten minutes from now, or two months. We'll see which way it goes.

A very revealing post, don't you think?


Queenie said...

Yes it is and I think your great. Thank you for your kind words and support.

SJ said...

Hope you aren't away long:)

However you must take care of yourself first - blogging can wait if it has to.

alphonsedamoose said...

Take care of yourself Deb. I will keep checking in to see when you are back.

The Future Was Yesterday said...

I think of things to write about, then promptly forget what it was when I sit down to write.
I have the same problem, but I call it CRS.:)

Anonymous said...

I know exactly what you mean about the meds and creativity and a shrinking world. Maybe your creativity isn't disappearing but rather it's taking a different road. Go with the flow and see what happens. I'll still keep checking but thanks for the warning. I get worried when you drop out. xx

just me said...

You guys are great. I hate losing what little creativity I had. I like Babzy's suggestion. And, Future, I can't remember shit, either!!

BRUNO said...

Yeah, if it takes BOTH me and Moose, we'll keep up with you! Or at least what the wolves left behind...!

Woozie said...

The Church of Scientology says you're dabbling in Xenu's evil handiwork.