Jan 18, 2008
A few words on grief:
*"Complicated grief can be differentiated from normal grief, in that, normal grief typically involves at least two of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' 5 grief stages, though not necessarily in any order. Complicated grief typically cycles through these 5 stages and then some, processing them out of order and often much more rapidly. Some people commit suicide to end the pain and suffering of grief. Examples of complicated grief can often be found in those who have survived a suicide attempt (Hsu, 2002). While the experience of grief is a very individual process depending on many factors, certain commonalities are often reported. Nightmares, appetite problems, dryness of mouth, shortness of breath, sleep disorders and repetitive motions to avoid pain are often reported, and are perfectly normal. Even hallucinatory experiences may be normal early in grief, and usual definitions will not suffice, necessitating a lot of grace for the bereaved. Complicated grief responses almost always are a function of intensity and timing: a grief that after a year or two begins to worsen, accompanied by unusual behaviors, is a warning sign, but even here, caution must be used; it takes time to say goodbye."
I'm beginning to believe I fall into this category. One day I feel OK with things, the next I am wracked with the question, Why? I spend enormous amounts of energy just trying to accept that what has happened is real. Memories are so bitter-sweet they hurt.
Many people fall into this category, and just as the article states, it takes time. I talked with a neighbor lady, who had just lost her daughter, this past week. She wants to die to be with her daughter again. I am trying to counsel her. I suddenly realized it was like the "blind leading the blind." Sooner or later I would run into a brick wall. And I couldn't fault her reasoning, just repeated platitudes that I had heard.
Perhaps in a way it ties into Babzy's latest post. Perhaps this is something that happens to Highly Sensitive People, or not, I don't know, but it does make sense.
Just give us a little more time. That's all we really need: time.
I am suffering from writer's block. I can't even come up with workable topics, other than this one, and its one I've done dozens of times before. We all suffer through it at one point, I guess.
Maybe my upcoming birthday is throwing me off. (Notice how I inserted that little hint there? Shameless..) I will be fifty-three. I didn't really think I would make it this far with the cancer and all. But, I'm still here. For better or worse.