Nov 14, 2007

Ramblings on Thanksgiving

Greetings from southeast Virginia, where it hasn't made up its mind whether its winter or not. Today is a lovely day outside, but this weekend is supposed to be cold. Why is it always the weekend?

I've been getting ready for the Thanksgiving feast, and getting myself into more shit as usual.

Remember Butt girl? Well, she has pretty much pissed everyone off around here. Especially EJ, the child from my womb. Oh, how he would cringe to read that! Anywho, I ran into her at the thrift store yesterday. (Do not any larger women ever donate their clothing to the thrift store? I'm not saying I'm a size 50, but a good fitting 16 would be nice. And I'm tall, very tall...and big-boned, very big-boned! If I were a size 6, I could have cleaned up. I love thrift stores. The bargains you can find are fantastic. Especially on jeans.)

I got to talking with Butt girl, oh hell, let's call her Judy. Butt girl is very disrespectful, now isn't it? She calls me the Devil, but that sounds better than Butt girl, I think... I know she is estranged from her family, (who would have guessed?) and it looks like she and the demon child will be spending Thanksgiving alone, so, me and my dumb ass invited her over to eat with us. Now, I did this, 1. knowing we had already been invited to eat with friends, who hate Judy with a passion. And, 2. knowing that my son has some very strong feelings regarding Judy, as they used to be an item. I have also heard rumors that she occasionally smokes the ole crack pipe. I have occasionally heard rumors that Bush does too, which would explain a lot.

I just hate to see someone spending the holidays alone. I have done so, but, I just watched my Christmas movies, ate candy, talked on the phone, and laid around with my cats. Had a lot more then. Barney, Clyde, LuLu, and young Roscoe. Actually, Roscoe has two names. Roscoe- Cedrick. My dad called him Cedrick, and I called him Roscoe. As my father did not hear that well, I just let Roscoe have two names. He didn't care, anyway.

That reminds me of the Thanksgiving I spent with Daddy, and how he gave half of the turkey to his beagle JoJo, who was in ecstasy! Then my sister got frantic because of the turkey bones, so I had to chase him around for what seemed like hours trying to get the turkey back. Do you know how hard it is to get half of a roast turkey back from a mean Beagle dog who has decided he wants to keep it? It ain't easy.

But, I digress. Now, I'm not sure what to do. I went ahead and got a turkey because EJ can eat some turkey. Even if we eat somewhere else, he's kinda like JoJo in that he wants his own turkey.

Seems it was easier when Thanksgiving involved cooking for three days while the boys and their Daddy went hunting. They would come in and eat, then take off for the wilds of nature again. I think one time they actually killed a deer.

This year for some reason I feel more positive about the holidays. This was Travis' favorite time of year. I feel he would want us to celebrate it, and he will be here too, of course, in spirit and love.

I can hear him now. "Mama, that was pretty stupid, you know that, right?" So, any suggestions on my

Any good lies out there that I could use not to hurt anyone's feelings? Come on. I know somebody's got an idea or two.

Warning! Warning!


It's afraid, be very afraid.....

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Spadoman said...

"Judy, this is terrible, but I'll have to cancel the turkey day feed this year. Something very personal has come up and I just won't be doing thanksgiving this year, hope you understand.

By the way, you're a gaping fat ass and no one really likes you. Did you know that? And i even heard you smoke crack. Where do you get money for that sort of thing? You out whoring or what? What assholeof a man would pay money for any o' dat? They'd have to slap you on your thigh and ride the wave in.
Anyway, just thought I'd mention that I'm not going to be able to have a turkey day celebration and I wanted to let you know so you can make other plans. Sorry for any inconvenience, you lard ass."

What dya think, a little harsh? Okay, maybe a little.

I have to go to my daughter's house. I want to see the Grandkids. I haven't seen them since they moved away. But my son-in-law is such a prick, I just don't want to stand in the same home with him, let alone break bread. I hate to lie, but I don't think I can stand being there watching football and pretending to like him.

Oh well, I'll just play with the kids. I like them.

If I gotta do it, you do too. Just feed ole lard ass judy and tell the others that no one needs to be alone on a holiday, no matter how screwed up they is..

Peace to All.

Queenie said...

Why o why o why do we do it???
We don't do thanksgiving but at Christmas its the same here, anyone on their own, its open door at my place. When I was on the district nursing I use to plate up a load of dinners and Math and I would take them round to all my old dears that would be on their own. Guess we are just big softies under this hard exterior!!!!

alphonsedamoose said...

Just tell her the truth. You forgot you were not having Thanksgiving this year and had been invited out to another person's house.You apologize for any inconvenience it may have caused.
Glad to hear you are looking forward to the holiday more this year. That is a good sign.

dawn said...

My friend you are an old softee like me between the two of us we would take in everyone. I hope you enjoy thanksgiving, I don't know who's coming to mine yet but I'm sure I will have to serve some of my sons friends that I am not thrilled with. I think its a maternal thing and I want to fix them all because some of their parents are worthless. I can't believe thanksgiving is next week!

dawn said...

My friend you are an old softee like me between the two of us we would take in everyone. I hope you enjoy thanksgiving, I don't know who's coming to mine yet but I'm sure I will have to serve some of my sons friends that I am not thrilled with. I think its a maternal thing and I want to fix them all because some of their parents are worthless. I can't believe thanksgiving is next week!

Shrink Wrapped Scream said...

Stuff Judy and serve her up in place of the turkey. Problem solved, more than enough meat to go around, and she'll never squawk again.. okay - a bit impractical perhaps.. Let's see -

- "Judy, when I invited you, see, being the devil 'in all, I figured you'd make a polite apology and move your huge ass on.. but being as how you are as thick as two short planks, you have no idea how screwed up you are going to make this Chrismas for me and mine. I've dealt with far more shit recently than you will ever have to dream about - and just for the first time since I've glimpsed a tiny little hope of an actual possible future ahead. So please, let's give us all a break, do the decent thing and fuck off back to that sewer from whence you first oozed out from. Oh, and yeah, don't forget to give my sweet love to your mum, huh?"

Harsh, but effective. This is a stressful enough time, why add to it? Silly moo. ((x))

Babzy said...

If neither you nor EJ feel comfortable with Judy at Thanksgiving dinner then you have to plead dementia and take back your invitation. Say what Moose suggested. You forgot you were going out.

I'm so happy that nobody likes my cooking, not even me. I always go out.

just me said...

Babzy, the Devil can't get dementia, because he's already demented. I would just as soon go out to a restaurant myself.

just me said...

Joe, I got to say you look bad to the bone in that new pic. :) I always liked my men big and bad.

Good suggestion, but I hope you don't ever have to dis-invite me. I'll probably hide for a while. I sent her some butter last night, and she sent it back. The demon child came to borrow it. Weird, huh?

just me said...

Queenie, you and Dawn, and me should open a homeless shelter. Actually, that's a personal goal of mine. We must be some of those bleeding heart liberals every body's always fussing about.

just me said...

Yes, Moose, the truth does seem to work out for the best. And, I think its a good sign too. I hope it stays that way.

just me said...

Shrink, you don't know Judy. No matter you've been through, she's had it 100 times worse, and more times than you can shake a stick at. By the way, did you call me a cow?!? Moo to you too. {:?)

just me said...

Joe, I think we all have family members that make us grind our teeth. Lord knows I do. Makes you want to stand up and slap the shit out of them, but somehow, we find the courage and dignity to refrain. Well, most of the time.

Mary said...

Isn't that the point of Thanksgiving? Don't we all have to be w/people we don't really want to be with? Then when we go home or everyone leaves your home and you are so THANKFUL to be with your own little family or alone.

Catmoves said...

I have an old Aussie saying guaranteed to block the Butt's acceptance, but I can't say it here.
Moose had the right idea (he's really very clever, you know). Just tell her about the other invitation.
You could even start it by saying something like "Tough shit, Judy....
(I liked shrink's answer, too.)

Catmoves said...

Got a question for you: Blogger sometimes defeats me. (Sometimes?) How do you get your pictures to show up on the middle of your posts? I try by using the Insert Photo and they wind up on the beginning of my posts.

Babzy said...

Catmove, drag them with your mouse to the right place. I thought I had already told you this but can't remember. Maybe I DID tell you this and YOU can't remember. :)

*Goddess* said...

Big gals never give their clothes away cuz it's took damn hard to find decent clothes in big sizes:) They're like a good man...once you find 'em, you ain't letting 'em go!

Lin said...

Yep, I'm with Moose on this one.
I gave up trying to find big woman clothes at Sally Ann's. I head right over to the men's racks now. It's nice to find shirts that are as wide as my shoulders and sleeves that actually come down to my wrists instead of 3/4 the way down my arms.