Ramblings from the outside of nowhere

I am a firm believer in dream analysis. Probably because I have a lot of nightmares. Certain events in my life have been what some would call traumatic, and rather than bitch and moan about it all day while I'm awake, the feelings and anger of those events seem to come out in my dreams. Many times I wake up crying my ass off, and it takes a while to calm down.

My belief about dream analysis is simple. Dreams are stories your subconscious concocts to illustrate a particular problem or issue you have trouble dealing with. But, when reduced to its simplest terms, you realize what the hell has been bothering you, what has been tucked way back in your mind that you don't want to face or look at.

For example: One night I had a dream where no matter how hard I tried I could not keep my feet on the ground. As I walked, or worked, I was always a few feet above the floor, having to hold on to counters, chairs, whatever was handy to keep from rising to the ceiling. At first it was a delight and an wonderful sense of freedom. But as the dream progressed, it became more and more a hindrance in everything I tried to do. It's damn hard to wash dishes when your floating and have to hold on to something to keep from flying off somewhere.

Now, for analysis, let's reduce the whole concept to its simplest terms. Though I enjoyed not being able to keep my feet on solid ground, after a while it became a big problem. I could not keep my feet on the ground. Which means simply I could not stay grounded. And not being grounded meant I had lost my footing. I had no means of keeping myself from flying off in any direction.

Final analysis? I felt unable to control where my life was leading me. I could not stay firmly in the place I wanted to. And I got damned tired of drifting around, trying to find something to hold onto, to keep from losing that place I had carved out for myself.

I couldn't find something to hold onto to keep from flying off in all directions.

I had no control over the events in my life, or myself.

Now, what's the point in trying to define what the dream is really about? To address that feeling, that worry, head on and figure out how to change it. How to find a way to adjust to the changes and events that I had no control over. Some may think this is a lot of bullshit, but it actually makes sense to me.

Even the dream I wrote about in the previous post speaks volumes to me about wanting to return to a simpler time, to go back and relive the part of my life that was carefree and easy.

This morning I woke up crying. I was being forced out of my home by all the people I had loved, and had no idea why. No one would tell me. It happened suddenly, and I was totally unprepared for it. I cried and pleaded with them, because they would not let me have my children. I was losing everything I loved and no one would listen or help me.

Analysis: Loss comes without a warning. I can lose everything I hold dear without any explanation, no matter how hard I fight to keep them.

So, what can I do with this knowledge? Accept the fact that I have no control over things that happen that are senseless to me. This is a hard one, and comes up often in various scenarios I dream about. This is the hardest one to accept, because we all feel we have to be in control at all times, to keep our lives from being a nightmare.

Well, enough about dreams, time to get back to reality, whatever the hell that is. I work on that one when I'm awake.