Jul 14, 2009

Amber is awake now and talking. Her visitors are still restricted to the immediate family, so, not being an actual blood relative, EJ and I are relying on her brother and grandfather to keep us updated. But don't stop praying. She has a long way to go.

The scallop boat man is back. He calls me "Miss Debi". Is that pathetic or what? Someone get me an apron, I guess its time for me to bake cookies.

Roger is finally home from the hospital, and its so nice to have him back. It was like old times yesterday, having him come over and hang out.

Tomorrow will be four years since Travis was wounded in Hit, Iraq. I think about what it must have been like for him, and a little part of me seems to die inside. My brave young son. And yes, though many seem to think it would be better otherwise, he was my son. My son. And no one, no matter what they say or think of me, can take that away.

This comment was left when I was bitching about John McCain having a bracelet with Travis' name on it on his desk. I said that many people loved Travis, not just me, and I acknowledged that. I said I wanted that bracelet. Just like any parent who has lost a child, anything that represents that child is precious, and you are greedy about it, you want it, its hard to share. But somehow this comment hurt me so much. It bothered me for days. Perhaps its because it came from someone who loved Travis, and he loved as well.

There are many of them. I respect you mam, but to say "That one" is yours is not really fair either. Why? because Senator McCain has it? I would be honored by such a gesture, no matter how he got it. You can have one made, I don't know the link off hand but if I find it I will surely send it to you. I just get a lil frusrated with people that say things because that is what you want to hear...not just you, I mean anybody. You know who this is, the same man that named his son after yours...I love and miss him to DY. I hope you know I say all this out of respect, sometimes it's good to hear other opinions.

Would this hurt you? Anybody? Am I over-reacting? It still hurts to read it. A lot. I why the "DY"? What's wrong with Mrs. Youngblood, or just plain old Debi? Somebody help me out here...


Stephen Rader said...

I'm going to keep you and Amber in my thoughts and prayers.

And yes, that would hurt my feelings. And it would Probably more if it came from someone I knew.

There's a bond between a mother and a son that runs so deep and is filled with so much passion, it's hard for some people to understand. But I know exactly what you mean.

Not to make light of that connection, but one day, I sent my mother flowers because a little voice in my head told me to do it, Mama called me when she got them and said, "You just know me. I was having a horrible day and you knew. We're connected. We must that ESPN."

And I said, "Mama, are you saying that, on our cable boxes, we get the Extra Sensory Perception Network?"

That's when she told me to stop being a smart ass. Which is why I love her so much.

You're not over-reacting. Your feelings are your feelings. You can't turn them off like water from a faucet. I commend you for speaking your mind and saying what you feel. So few people do that these days. And we need more it. Badly.

Much love to you. And again, you and Amber are in my thoughts and prayers.

SJ said...

Keeping Amber in my thoughts too.

Not commenting on that comment. I said then the bracelet was yours and I still say it.

dawn said...

Hi Deb,
It was hurtful. You are his mother and that bond is stronger then anything . I believe the bracelet belong to you and screw your so called friend. When they give birth then they can talk.
I love you girl stay strong

Scoot said...

LMAO...Such BS (Bull Shit) for those that don't like initials. The funniest part is it was all said out of respect, and nothing less. I bet if Obama had the bracelet it would be a totally different story. Let me clarify for the over readers and Ultra sensative. I was simply saying you can have one too. Hell I have two...I believe I even sent a link to where they can be made. Bottom line is, if you have a problem with something I said, e-mail me and we can hash it out. If you would have done that in the first place you would know that nothing I said was meant to be hurtful. Now I am going to respond to your little cult following....Radar: Commend one person for saying what they feel and discredit another for doing the same, you, sir, are a hypocrit and now have zero credibility. SJ: hers is at the factory along with whomever elses that wants one. Dawn: Giving birth is a poor excuse and argument. I, personally, have a far greater connection to my kids than the woman who birthed them. DEBI: as I said, nothing in the original quote was EVER meant to be offensive, but obviously we all handle our grief differently. So I will say now, that I am sorry that I may have somehow hurt you in any way. That was never my intention, and if any of your followers think that I would intentionally hurt my best friends mother they don't know shit.

Peace and love. Remember our hero on this day.

Anonymous said...

nice comment scoot.i don't see how she can even say that the braclet is hers,,it was;nt travis's,,u would think she'ed be horored he displays it on his desk,,i would be,,or am,guess she has a lot of so called friends on here that don;t know beans either,from the way they leave comments to her,,maybe they will grow up one day and get a life,,

just me said...

Well, Scoot and Anonymous, thank you for making an intolerable day that much worse. The people you call followers are friends, and have been here for me much more than you have. And no, they don't always tell me what I want to hear....nor do I wish them too. If you don't like what I have to say, then don't come here anymore. If you have a problem with me as a person, then direct your comments to me, not anyone else.

"Scoot", if you had any respect for me at all, there is no way you would leave the comments here that you have. You have behaved in a childish and hurtful manner, and you chose to do that. And, why, I don't know. Travis had many, many friends, many people who loved him and cared for him. If you don't have respect for me, at least have respect for them, and don't get into a dueling match with his Mother. Just leave me the fuck alone. I don't bother you, so don't bother me, ok? Ok!

just me said...

One other thing, I have more respect for Stephen Radar than I do for you. He did not say anything hypocritical, just stated his feelings on the issue. But then he is older and wiser than you.

SJ has been a friend for a long time, and, again, he has just stated his feelings on the subject.

Dawn, if you knew anything about her at all, devotes her life to her children, and works her butt off to make a good life for them.

You don't know these people at all, so don't act like you do.

As a matter of fact, you don't really know me. You don't know what I think about, what I feel, and this is what this blog is about. My feelings. My thoughts. And interspersed with that are some silly things. And you could have emailed your comment to me. But you posted it here to cause me pain, to make me doubt myself, to create chaos. Were you there Scotty when Travis fell out of the tree and broke his arm? Or when he came home from kindergarten with a broken collar bone? Were you there when he turned 12? Or 13? Did he stay home with you when you were recovering from chemotherapy and cheer you up? I don't care what you think about me. I really, really don't. But know this, every minute of every day there is a hole in my life that will never be filled. There is an emptyness that cannot be erased because my youngest son is gone. It will never go away. It is a mantle that settles on me from the moment I awaken until I go to sleep.

And remember this, the way you love your young Travis is the way I loved mine. I hope your life is filled with nothing but goodness, I hope you have success in your life, and all your dreams come true, but if I never hear from you again, I will be ok.

Spadoman said...

Let's go see the bastard and get the bracelet back. I'll take you there. I'll vigil outside his office. I'll make such a fuss to the media that he will want you to have it. Let's go! It is yours and belongs to you, he has it, let's get it!

Spadoman said...


just me said...

Spadoman, I realized that "Scoot" lives in Arizona. So, if John McCain uses a bracelet with my son's name on it in a political photo, well, in Arizona, that's Arizona. Perhaps these followers of McCain and Palin want our boys to stay in Iraq forever....especially the ones who weren't even there...