The Sit-in Revisited

I was sitting here playing Mahjong, which I must say is one of my secret vices, well, not now, cause I just told everybody. But, anywho, a thought popped into my head. It started when I thought how frustrated I was getting. Which made me think about how many things frustrate me today, which made me think about what other people are frustrated about. And it hit me! George Bush. Wouldn't it be great if he just made an occasional appearance, and then, poof!, disappeared like Kaizer Soze? Became a myth parents used to frighten their children to make them behave..."Better be good, Johnny, because George Bush might get you!" Oh, right, that wouldn't work, because parents probably do that already.

So, I thought what we need is a good old-fashioned sit-in. For those of you too young to remember, that is where a bunch of people supporting a certain cause, sit in a prominent place and sing weird folk songs. Of course, back then most of them were high, but I think it would work OK if you were straight. You would have to leave your cell phones at home, because all of the personal rings would interfere with the singing, and could possibly result in a spin-off of the original sit-in, where sit-in members start another sit-in protesting cell phones. That group would probably consist of older people. This is because older people seem to consider "jewelry" a fashion accessory instead of cell phones.

Anywho, we would sit there for days, if necessary, so we would need a porta-potty, or access to a wooded area. Everyone should bring a cooler, with snacks and drinks, probably one of those cheap disposable kinds so we won't have to worry about it when we get arrested.

Now, don't be shocked. That's the whole purpose of the sit-in. We sit around singing, and snacking, and protesting, until we annoy the protestees (the people we are protesting) so much, they send in the swat team to beat us severely about the head and shoulders. Hopefully, if its a particularly hot day, they'll turn a firehose on us, so at least we'll get a free shower. Which we will probably need after all that snacking, and frequent trips to woods. (Toilet paper would be a strictly BYO thing.) That's where the being high part was so helpful. All you needed then was some 'grass' and beads, and you were set.

Pennsylvania Avenue would be our target location. Of course we might be deemed terrorists, so we would need to have a few people familiar with something called civil rights, as most of us have forgotten what we knew about this subject. Or, perhaps, we are just so confused about it we would need an interpretor. I vote for Sean Penn. But, we'll all have a say as to who you choose, so don't get your under drawers in a knot.

Oh, yeah, we'll probably need blankets, particularly ones with a Navajo accent, you know, with a lot of turquoise and stuff. I think you can get them pretty cheap at Walmart. Nobody will know you didn't get it in New Mexico, or Arizona, or out west somewhere. You don't really want to spend too much, as they will probably need to be disposable like the coolers. Waste not, want not!!

We would have to meet somewhere, maybe rent a stadium for a day, and discuss our goals, and develop a game plan. I mean the parking alone would take a good sized committee to sort out. We have to remember that this is a team effort, and there is no I in team. There's an e but no I. What that means, I'm not sure.

We'll have to schedule our vacations about the same time, preferably paid vacations, getting your check upfront, for emergencies, such as bail, and what not. This could really be a fun experience. I mean, everyone would have a bad hair day, so that wouldn't be concern.

We'll need to practice group chanting, such as phrases like Bush Sucks, or Impeach Bush, or even, Bush Lies. That shouldn't take too long. All of us are pretty familiar with these phrases already. What we really need to do is practice projection, because the louder we are in our chanting the more attention we will get.

The key here is preparation. We can do this. If we don't have enough people, I guess we could pay someone a finder's fee to round up more. Some of these may be homeless people, so don't forget to bring some Lysol and hand sanitizer. I don't think air fresheners would work, as we will ideally be out in the open, outside, all the time, and that stuffs supposed to really be bad for the environment. We certainly don't want protesters protesting us!! That's just too much drama, and could lead to all sorts of complicated situations.

So, I think we should get started. I'll talk with my people, who will get in touch with your people, and we'll get this ball rolling. Remember, we can reach our goals with a well planned and coordinated agenda. Hell, some of might even get a bonus!!

*This is satire. If you don't realize this after getting this far, your density factor is off the charts!

**South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone