Feb 24, 2009

Weekday Update

I changed the look of my blog. I don't know why. Just wanted to. Looks a little more stream-lined. I also removed some page elements. I don't know why, just did.

I saw my GP the other day and he was displeased, as was I, to learn I had regained 16 pounds!! Shit-fire, as me mum used to say. Walking, he said, was the key to weight loss. Shit-fire!!

************************************************************************************************** My friend Roger came over the other night, and he and my son had one two many, so we dared Roger to eat some cat food, Ocean Whitefish Pate, and damn if he didn't! Now I have to rag him about it every time he comes over..."Oh, Roger, how remiss of me! Here I got some cat food out for Roscoe, and didn't offer you any!" Roger is a true friend. He has his ways, and tries to get in my britches at times, but I think its more out of habit than desire.

I have been patiently waiting for the IRS to decide what it is exactly they are doing with our tax refunds. I think a great many people are wondering the same this year. I believe it is probably that stimulus credit bullshit thingy. I have tried to call them, but I get a recording that says to call back when they are not busy...."Please call back between the hours of 7am and 10pm to speak to a representative..." Lord have mercy! I believe some people are expecting another stimulus payment this year, but I don't think that's how its going to work. From my understanding, it will be added to your paycheck week by week as less taxes are taken out. Well, there's always the lottery...

I can't believe they voted Fabio off of Top Chef. And they kept Hosea, who shoved Ariane under the bus. Now, after my brief period of disbelief, I want Carla to win. I think Stefan is probably the best chef, but I still want Carla to win. I guess we'll see tomorrow.

Feb 14, 2009

The dog under the smokehouse

When I was living with my dad, a neighbor of ours had two Rottweilers that my brother hated. It could be because they ran loose and would wander onto to his property and scare his dog, Penny. I know they would watch me sometimes while I went to the mailbox and I wondered if they were seeing me as a giant chicken carcass, like in the cartoons.

I remember one day my brother called me and said, "Look, I think I saw a mad (meaning rabid!) Rottweiler run under Daddy's smokehouse...I want you to go out there and see if its under there..." Ok. He wants me to run outside where the "mad Rottweiler" is and check on its location and status and put myself at risk. What?! Does he think I'm stupid? So, I went outside, and sure enough there was a big black dog under the smokehouse. I called him up and said, "Yep, its under there. You going to call the animal control people?"

Next thing I knew here comes Buddy, and says, "Look, I'm going to go in the smokehouse and jump up and down to make the dog come out, and you wait out here and tell me when it does..." I said, "Wait a minute! What if it runs out here and bites my ass?? I'm staying in the smokehouse with you." So, I waited outside while my brother jumped up and down in the smokehouse, but the big black dog didn't budge. Buddy went back to his house, and left me with the dog under the smokehouse problem: "Call me if he comes out, but be careful and don't let him bite you. I think he has rabies."

I'm standing in my Daddy's kitchen, and I thought I would conduct my own little test. I took some biscuits left over from supper and poked them under the smokehouse toward the dog. The big black dog ate them. Then I got some bologna, which Daddy bought for his dog JoJo, the mean beagle who hated my guts, and gave that to the dog.

He scarfed it right up. I gave him some water, and he lapped that up. "Hummm," I thought. "This dog does not have rabies, and he looks like he's been taken good care of." I tried to get him to crawl out, but he just looked at me and wagged his tail. So, struck by inspiration, I just started walking away, and went to the hill overlooking my sister's property and sat down. In a little while, the big black dog joined me.

He was magnificent. A shiny black coat, and about as tall and long as a Rottweiler, but more slender, and with much more soulful eyes. If it had been me, I would have put an ad in the paper, and when no one showed up to claim him, kept his ass. But, JoJo, being the mean little beagle dog he was, would not allow such a dog to co-exist in his environment without worrying the crap out of him. I took him out to Buddy's house, where the big dog played with his dog Penny, and we waited for the Animal Control guy to come out. Of course, he fell in love with the dog on sight, and decided that if no one claimed him, he would probably take him home.

And so ended one of our adventures that occured when I lived with my dad during the later years of his life. I was in my 40's and Buddy was in his 50's. Damn, that's almost 10 years ago!!

I often wonder, though, why I didn't go in the smokehouse and jump up and down, while my brother waited outside....weird, huh?

Feb 13, 2009

Is it Real?

Ok, I'll confess....I have become a reality TV show addict.  It all started innocently enough.  I was flipping through the channels one night, and happened upon Top ChefAs there was nothing else on, I thought why not?  I became almost immediately hooked!  It just took a little taste, and I wanted more...So every Wednesday, there I was, propped up, watching Bravo for about 6 hours straight, seeing who was coming out on top, and who would have to "pack their knives and go home."  And who doesn't think Tom Colicchio isn't one of the sexiest men alive?  And that Padma is one of the most beautiful women in the world?  To me this is the best reality and cooking show out there.  The cream of the crop, so to speak.


And, of course, Fabio Vivani is going to take season 5?  Ok, am I right?  That's what I thought.

I love this guy.  I don't care if he is the best chef, he has everything else your heart could desire....ahhhhh.....

Anywho, after watching Top Chef, I decided to check out something called The Bad Girls Club.  Where do they find these girls???  People really act like that?  God, I'm getting old.

Then because I love Sharon Osborne I got hooked on Rock of Love Charm School, and, again, I think, where do they find these girls?? (From Bret Micheals and Flavor Flav? I guess...their reality shows I do not watch....)

Now, every Sunday you see my ass perched in front of the TV watching Tyra Banks and America's Next Top Model.

So, I'm thinking, I must need more drama in my life, or I prefer my drama vicariously!  But the more of this you watch, the more you want to watch.  Now, I find myself wondering what weirdness Steve Adler is going to get up to in Sober House, and why does Dr. Drew let him get away with all this crap??  I mean, if he showed up at my sober house high as a kite with needles in his pockets, "Oh, I haven't worn those pants in 10 years..." give me a break!!  I would have made him go through rehab again. He's not ready to be sober yet.  I don't think so, anyway.  He has to want this from his gut!  And good old Dr. Drew, blaming everything on good ole "Mama".  I thought we had gotten past that little bit of psycho-babble?  And please, don't get me started on Jeff Conaway!!  Just saying....

There! My secret vice is out. I have become a reality show junky.  Too bad I'm not a celebrity. But, yet, I feel so freaking free!!*

*I have been watching PBS Masterpiece Classics, too, so I'm not completely without discernment and good taste....And I love Black Adder!! 

Feb 8, 2009

He said what???

Feminism was established to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream.” Rush Limbaugh

When I heard this, I couldn't believe someone was actually fool enough to say it! Now I wonder what movement gave fat, unattractive, and incredibly white men "easier access to the mainstream"! But here's the fool right here:

No, wait a minute! That's the wrong picture, I think. Let me see, ah, here it is!

"We're not sexists, we're chauvinists -- we're male chauvinist pigs, and we're happy to be because we think that's what men were destined to be. We think that's what women want."

Nope, that's not what women want! That's what pigs want.

"The only way to reduce the number of nuclear weapons is to use them."

Now why didn't we think of that before!

What really scares me is that some people actually agree with this nut job. Really. I mean for real. There are actually people in our country who think this man's shit does not stink. I for one think it probably reeks! He is like a mini Archie Bunker. Without the jokes. Without the rare moments of insight that says "ok, yeah, I might be wrong".

The price we pay for freedom of speech!

I do not like this hammy man
I do not like him, no sir, no ma'am
Creepy mean, he's such a sham
We do not like this hammy man!!

Feb 3, 2009

Astrology and Biblical musings...

My horoscope:

*Sun Sign: Aquarius

Your horoscope for February 3, 2009

“A social event that involves discussion of intellectual topics that interest you could take place today, Debra, and you could decide to attend in the company of a love partner. You're likely to enjoy the gathering so much that you could stay late into the night, and then spend another hour or so discussing it with your partner. Afterwards - well, anything could happen! In the future you'll remember tonight as being magical. Make the most of it!”

The chances of this happening are approximately nil! It would be nice, and just the type of stuff I enjoy. You can see how intellectual I am by the word “stuff”! I was invited to a big super-bowl party, but as Bob was going to be there, I declined. Bob has been giving me vibes that seem to indicate he might be substituting me for his “Eve”. Don’t want to go there.

Speaking of Eve, I happened to watch “The Bible”, an old movie featuring a bunch of actors, like George C. Scott, Ava Gardener, a very young Richard Harris, and, oh, hell, just a bunch of them. Of course it starts with the Garden of Eden, and how Eve was tempted by the serpent to eat of the Tree of Knowledge (of good and evil). Of course she says, What the hell, and takes a big bite. Then she offers it to Adam, who like all men who come after him, did what their old lady said to do, probably to avoid a fight.

“No, Eve, I don’t think we should eat this, God said not to, and I’m not going to piss him off..” so sayeth Adam.

“Go on then, you punk-ass bitch. Don’t eat it. You think I give a rat’s ass? Look at you, naked as a jaybird, you got no job, what is up with that!” so sayeth Eve.

Which of course prompts Adam to eat, and the rest is history or myth, depending on who you listen to. But then it hit me…all Adam had to do was say No. Just say no. Nobody twisted his arm. Eve made a suggestion and it was his decision whether to follow it. Women have taken the rap for this bit of skulduggery for ages, and I do mean ages. And it was really Adam’s fault for not manning up to the challenge, so to speaketh. You may disagree, but I think it’s about time that Adam took responsibility for his own actions.

Now after Adam and Eve gets kicked out of the Garden of Eden, there is the story of Noah. I keep thinking how in the world did they round up all those animals, and did it include insects? They should have left the mosquitoes, spiders, and roaches off of the ark. And think about cleaning up after the elephants! Noah had some balls, is all I got to say… Just my opinion. But history does record a massive flood. Big flood

*February 3, 2009

Tarot reading for Me:




Love: The High Priestess

Touchstone: The Emperor

Career: The Lovers

“There's an element of contradiction in your love life today, Debra! The influence of the Emperor and the High Priestess is making you more critical, and this is putting distance between you and other people. You just can't stop yourself from challenging everyone's ideas and habits. It's making you cranky and dictatorial, so if you're not careful you'll be getting on your partner's nerves - or those of a potential new lover! A word of advice: stay away from heated discussions. Professionally speaking, you’re not feeling too confident of yourself today, as the Lovers plant a seed of doubt into everything you undertake. Thankfully the Emperor, who sets the general ambiance, radiates an air of stability and reassurance. You therefore don’t need to worry, because with his benevolent influence, you can build your day on very solid foundations. Just forget about your anxieties and get on with things!”

God, I’m so confused!! Tarot or Astrology? What does it all mean?? Maybe it means I should send that Nigerian guy my bank account information so he can help his poor Grandma fulfill her wish to give her multi-million dollar estate to a worthy person?? Like me…


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