Abilify is a medication I am taking to control my manic tendencies. It does this remarkably well. I no longer get super high, just stay at an even keel, so to speak. However, I do believe that it curbs my creative process somewhat.
Abilify, like Resperidol, and Seroquel, are anti-psychotic that are used in the treatment of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. Of course they have side effects. All drugs have side effects, the biggest one being the benefits you receive from the drug.
However, it does nothing to relieve the symptoms I have when I think about my daughter-in-law and her hate filled emails. Well, perhaps it does. It doesn't tear me into little pieces anymore when I hear about how much she believes I am an asshole. Perhaps I am, or was, to some degree. I am not proud of the things in my past, but I feel it is time to move forward. There is nothing to be gained by living in the past, only recrimination and sadness.
Oh, I have done my bargaining with God. Let me go back twenty years, please, and I will do a better job. Useless, I know, but still the thoughts surface.
My daughter-in-law uses my grandchildren as a bargaining tool. I am not allowed to see them. She gave reasons, but they were vague and warrant no merit. She is without a doubt a hateful and spiteful person. She showed me emails my son had sent her, and they professed his deep love for her. Why this was supposed to hurt me, I have no idea. Of course he was supposed to love her. More than anything else in the world should be a man's love for his wife. But that does not mean he cannot love others. And Travis was full of love and compassion for his fellow man.
Does it hurt me, that she denies me the right to see my grandchildren? Yes, it does. Deeply and in ways I can't put words to. Is she right in keeping them from me, because of my wickedness? Well, first, she doesn't know me, or she would understand my wickedness now revolves around my addiction to Law and Order. I would meet her more than half way, but the rest of the way is closed to me.
The only thing that keeps me from hating this woman is knowing how much she grieves for my son. She is also an ardent supporter for our troops in Iraq. However, we split ways when she talks about our continued involvement in this hellish civil war, where we can gain nothing, and lose more good soldiers. She says she is professing Travis' beliefs, and perhaps that is so. There is nothing that says I have to agree with my son's politics. But I feel he may have changed his views with time. We have no way of knowing.
Thanks for listening. Keeping this bottled up serves me no good purpose and I would expose this woman for the heartless creature she is.