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Feb 10, 2008

Abilify

Abilify is a medication I am taking to control my manic tendencies. It does this remarkably well. I no longer get super high, just stay at an even keel, so to speak.  However, I do believe that it curbs my creative process somewhat.

Abilify, like Resperidol, and Seroquel, are anti-psychotic that are used in the treatment of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.  Of course they have side effects. All drugs have side effects, the biggest one being the benefits you receive from the drug.

However, it does nothing to relieve the symptoms I have when I think about my daughter-in-law and her hate filled emails.  Well, perhaps it does. It doesn't tear me into little pieces anymore when I hear about how much she believes I am an asshole.  Perhaps I am, or was, to some degree. I am not proud of the things in my past, but I feel it is time to move forward. There is nothing to be gained by living in the past, only recrimination and sadness.

Oh, I have done my bargaining with God. Let me go back twenty years, please, and I will do a better job.  Useless, I know, but still the thoughts surface.

My daughter-in-law uses my grandchildren as a bargaining tool. I am not allowed to see them. She gave reasons, but they were vague and warrant no merit. She is without a doubt a hateful  and spiteful person. She showed me emails my son had sent her, and they professed his deep love for her. Why this was supposed to hurt me, I have no idea. Of course he was supposed to love her. More than anything else in the world should be a man's love for his wife.  But that does not mean he cannot love others. And Travis was full of love and compassion for his fellow man.

Does it hurt me, that she denies me the right to see my grandchildren? Yes, it does. Deeply and in ways I can't put words to. Is she right in keeping them from me, because of my wickedness? Well, first, she doesn't know me, or she would understand my wickedness now revolves around my addiction to Law and Order.  I would meet her more than half way, but the rest of the way is closed to me.

The only thing that keeps me from hating this woman is knowing how much she grieves for my son. She is also an ardent supporter for our troops in Iraq.  However, we split ways when she talks about our continued involvement in this hellish civil war, where we can gain nothing, and lose more good soldiers. She says she is professing Travis' beliefs, and perhaps that is so. There is nothing that says I have to agree with my son's politics. But I feel he may have changed his views with time. We have no way of knowing.

Thanks for listening. Keeping this bottled up serves me no good purpose and I would expose this woman for the heartless creature she is.

26 comments:

No said...

That really sucks...really, really sucks...that's all I can say.

just me said...

Yep, it does. Just another thing I live with everyday.

alphonsedamoose said...

Deb,If you can't see the grandchildren , why not just put a block on her e-mail. Sounds like you really don't have anything to lose except someone who upsets you.

The Future Was Yesterday said...

Email has no legal bearing on seeing your Grandchildren. The simplest of spam blockers will solve that pain in your day permanently.

just me said...

TuA, Moose: Like I told my daughter-in-law, at least we're talking. She is the only link I have to my grandkids. Maybe if we talk long enough we can work something out. But,perhaps that is wishful thinking on my part. She knows how much it hurts me.

Mary said...

I feel your pain and frustration. I tend to think that if there is a chance sometimes you have to walk through the crap of it. Straight ahead. But why people like this are put in our paths is a mystery to me. To be able to care for the troops but not the damn mother of your husband?

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Using kids to get even with someone is so destructive not only to the grandparent but also to the children.

Babzy said...

I don't know your whole history with your DIL but it sounds like she's a grudge-holder and very immature. Not being allowed to see your grandkids is harsh and clueless. Kids need their extended families especially the connection you provide for them to their Dad. As they get older they'll want to find you and EJ and other family members.

Meanwhile tell her you're going to block her emails if she can't be more civil to you and tell her why - that she upsets you.

That's my two cents worth but you don't have to listen. I find it really helps to write out my troubles. I don't always listen to the advice given but the support is something I'm very thankful for.

We love you xxx

Babzy said...

I took Resperidol for short while. It was supposed to be a last resort but the doctors mis-communicated. I was coo-coo on it. Obviously if one doesn't need it, one shouldn't take it just like anything else.

With my condition I can't get creative unless I am on an even keel. But I do understand that a manic phase would be hard to resist creatively and otherwise.

Sweetie, block the emails. It's not worth your health. Some people can't or won't change no matter how nice you are to them.

skinnylittleblonde said...

Eke...I'm gonna go against the common grain here, a knot in the wood.
IF your only means of communication is through email, then I think you should NOT block them. If that is your only link to your DIl & ultimately, your grandkids, then you gotta keep that pathway open with the hopes that time will heal & that perseverance will pay off. I cannot imagine the hurtful things she must be saying & I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. No mother should lose a child, likewise no child should lose a parent. I cannot even imagine how difficult all of this is for you. As hateful as those emails may feel, like stones being tossed right at your heart...let them fall to the ground with their heaviness & use them as stepping stones to bridge the gap that divides you from your grandchildren. You all have something very important in common with one another...love. peace & perseverance will pay off. You gotta believe. P<Y.

just me said...

Mary, I never even looked at it that way. I almost believe sometimes the things she says, because, all parents who survive the death of a child are always cursed with the what if syndrome. Maybe if....that kind of thing. All I can say is she knows exactly which buttons to push.

just me said...

Nick, I agree 100% which is why I haven't pursued this matter in court. I would do nothing to hurt those kids. They are so young and precious.

just me said...

Babzy, I have told her I think she is harboring too much hate and I really don't know how much of it is part of her grieving process. I know even when Travis was alive, he sent me pictures of the kids. He kept me informed about them, as they lived in Hawaii. Oh, there is much I should have done, but I can't go back. We can only move forward.

The abilify seems to help me, in that I really don't feel any different, just not as hyper and irritable, and loony. HA!

What did I write in my last email??!!??

just me said...

Skinny, I agree. I kind of think she has blocked me, though. No more emails in two days.

No said...

Does she read this blog?

Babzy said...

Remind me to post a story about an ass at work who treated me like crap and I took it for years hoping my professional manners would eventually rub off on him. Didn't work. Just made him more of a bully. So one day I told him to fuck off and get off my back and I insulted his mother and whole family and told him never to treat me like that again. Lo and behold he behaved in a civilized manner from then on.

My point being: You can take the shit and be a Pollyanna and hope eventually to build a bridge. Sometimes it works and sometimes it only fuels the feud. A bully bullies because their victims think niceness will rub off.

After the surprising result I had with that man at work I now believe a knuckle sandwich is more effective. At least it puts you on a level playing field.

You can colour me crabby. Just know that we all may differ in our opinions and advice to you (not that you asked for it) but we love you to pieces and don't want anyone to hurt you ever again. The End.

Babzy said...

Your last email was an invitation to download a messenger program that I had deleted awhile back because it scared me and made me want to hide.

skinnylittleblonde said...

re-reading post & comments, i just wanted to touch base & let you know I never meant to imply that you be a verbal punching bag or doormat for this woman, but just to keep whatever lines of communication you have open. again, wishing you much peace & love.

just me said...

Even if we are just trading insults, and calling each other names, like I told her, at least we are talking....

I don't care if she reads this blog or not. If she wants to comment, she can. If its too mean, well, there's always delete.....

Queenie said...

I have very little time for someone who users children in any sort of argument. I see this so often when marriages break-up, its bad enough whats happening in their lives, let alone being used as a tug of war rope. I hope and pray that one day she sees the error of her ways, and stops depriving her children of the love of their grandmother. The only thing I can say is children grow and curiosity will bring them to your door.

Queenie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dawn said...

Deb,
I'm sorry she's being such a shit, I agree with skinny, It may take time but as the kids grow she may come around. I love ya girl. If ya need me I'm around.

SJ said...

I hope you get to be with your grandkids as you should.

just me said...

Well, I can't say enough how much I appreciate the support you all have shown. I don't intend to be a doormat, or a harpy, about this situation. I probably deserve some of the flack she is giving me, but its time to move on. And I will. One day I will see those grandkids, and hopefully they will become aquainted with members of this side of the family. They have already lost the wonder of a great aunt, a vibrant, intelligent, and giving woman, who has since passed away. I know my father would have loved to see his great grand son. But, this can't be helped.

Skinny, I understand completely what you are saying, so don't have any fear there. Babzy, I also understand what you are saying.

Queenie, I agree 100%, and just hope that one day they will want to see if all they have been told was true.

Blessings to all,
deb

Babzy said...

I'm a bitch. Sorry Skinny and Deb.

Stephen Rader said...

So sorry that she is keeping your grandchildren from you. I look forward to the day when they can see you, hug your neck and tell you that they love you. There is a beautiful bond between grandchildren and grandparents. You're in my thoughts and prayers that she stops this craziness soon and allows you to see them.