Ramblings from the outside of nowhere

Jun 15, 2010

Dr. Visit

Well, no, that's not his name...how confusing that would be. Having a doctor named Dr Visit. I see complications with that one right off the bat...

"So, where are you going today?"

"I have an appointment to see Dr. Visit."

"Oh, you have a doctor visit? What's his name?"

"Dr. Visit."

"Yeah, I got that part...you have a doctor visit...but what's the doctor's name?"

"I told you already! Visit!"

"Right, ok, Jesus, I was just asking. Is he a psychiatrist, by any chance?"

"Dr. Visit is very nice."

"Maybe you just need to get out more, huh?"

Anyway, by the time I get there, what ever is wrong with me will be healed, magically, so I should probably cause and cancel, as just saying your going to the doctor is enough to cure you. At least that has been my case. I know he's going to bitch at me for something I do that most people are trying to quit doing but I'm too stubborn to give it up. No, its not sex. I remember the word, and that it has something to do with boys and girls, but I'm not quite sure what it is anymore.

EJ is doing fine. (knock-on-wood). I got a web cam but I think its broke. When I turn I use it, this video of a hideous older woman pops up. God know, it's not me! It can't be. It looks a lot like my mother, though.

The course I'm taking is going pretty well. We have discussion board posts we have to make. And some of the people think that its a lot like yahoo. For example:

midicreare is a insrance poilicy that is good for old peeple.

Ok, we are graded on punctuation and spelling, as well as content. I'm not trying to be picky, but I posted the question, "is anyone taking this course using English as a second language?" but the instructor removed it. I understand that some of these people work, and have small children. So, that plays a big factor in what they are able to accomplish given the time restraints. So, blah, blah, blah.

Taking this online course is not so different from being in class, as you soon figure out who is the whiner, who is the know-it-all, who is the suck-up, who is the comic....and its me!

murder at walmart!

MURDER AT WALMART

Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage,
a young husband decidedto solve both problems by taking out a
large insurance policy on his wife,with himself as the beneficiary,
and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side
underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to
the husband that his going price for snuffing out aspouse was $5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but
that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect
his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid
at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet,
displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside.
Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to
accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the
local Super Wal-Mart store. There, he surprised her in
the produce department & proceeded to strangle her
with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman
drew her last breath & slumped to the floor, the manager
of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the
murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol'
Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured
by the hidden securitycameras & observed by the store's security
guard, who immediatelycalled the police. Artie was caught and
arrested before he could even leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the
whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements
with the hapless husband,who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...

(You're going to hate me for this...)

'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ WAL-MART!'

Jun 8, 2010

From a friend, had to share!

The Grandmother of all Blonde Jokes

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these
blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid.So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to
paint a couple of rooms in the house The next day, right after her
husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of
paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the
floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy
parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks
her if she if OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she
replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are
dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She
replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it
said...

You'll love this...

I know you will...
.
.
.
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"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."