Monday is Shrink day......

I see my psychiatrist today. Let's call a spade a spade, shall we? Anyway, I plan to talk about my medication big time. I miss that feeling of writing whatever is in my mind at the moment. Right now, there seems to be nothing in my mind but what is on for today, which is not much.

Got a call out of the blue from Jonathon's grandmother. You may remember Jonathon as the young man who lost his life not quite a year after Travis left us. He Travis and EJ grew up together. We used to be the greatest of friends, did everything together, Joann and I, and we had a fight over kids. Imagine that! Anyway, now we are friends again. She called to tell me that a story appeared in the paper out in Washington, or California, I forget where she is now, that featured Travis' widow and children. Never lets a photo-op pass her by, now does she? Ok, that was mean. Very mean. Extremely mean. And, boy did it feel good.

My daughter in law has reminded me, that as the next of kin, she owns the rights to Travis' image. Let her use it wisely.


The psychotic bird is back, banging its head against the window. Thump, thump, thump, it is driving the cats to distraction. I still believe he sees his reflection and is trying to thwart off competition. I must get a new camera. Its a cedar waxwing. Let's hope his courtship goes off without a hitch. HA! Providing he doesn't knock himself out first.

Abilify

Abilify is a medication I am taking to control my manic tendencies. It does this remarkably well. I no longer get super high, just stay at an even keel, so to speak.  However, I do believe that it curbs my creative process somewhat.

Abilify, like Resperidol, and Seroquel, are anti-psychotic that are used in the treatment of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.  Of course they have side effects. All drugs have side effects, the biggest one being the benefits you receive from the drug.

However, it does nothing to relieve the symptoms I have when I think about my daughter-in-law and her hate filled emails.  Well, perhaps it does. It doesn't tear me into little pieces anymore when I hear about how much she believes I am an asshole.  Perhaps I am, or was, to some degree. I am not proud of the things in my past, but I feel it is time to move forward. There is nothing to be gained by living in the past, only recrimination and sadness.

Oh, I have done my bargaining with God. Let me go back twenty years, please, and I will do a better job.  Useless, I know, but still the thoughts surface.

My daughter-in-law uses my grandchildren as a bargaining tool. I am not allowed to see them. She gave reasons, but they were vague and warrant no merit. She is without a doubt a hateful  and spiteful person. She showed me emails my son had sent her, and they professed his deep love for her. Why this was supposed to hurt me, I have no idea. Of course he was supposed to love her. More than anything else in the world should be a man's love for his wife.  But that does not mean he cannot love others. And Travis was full of love and compassion for his fellow man.

Does it hurt me, that she denies me the right to see my grandchildren? Yes, it does. Deeply and in ways I can't put words to. Is she right in keeping them from me, because of my wickedness? Well, first, she doesn't know me, or she would understand my wickedness now revolves around my addiction to Law and Order.  I would meet her more than half way, but the rest of the way is closed to me.

The only thing that keeps me from hating this woman is knowing how much she grieves for my son. She is also an ardent supporter for our troops in Iraq.  However, we split ways when she talks about our continued involvement in this hellish civil war, where we can gain nothing, and lose more good soldiers. She says she is professing Travis' beliefs, and perhaps that is so. There is nothing that says I have to agree with my son's politics. But I feel he may have changed his views with time. We have no way of knowing.

Thanks for listening. Keeping this bottled up serves me no good purpose and I would expose this woman for the heartless creature she is.

Ho, Ho, Ho, Hum.......

Christmas just isn't Christmas this year. Don't ask me why. Maybe its because we have such a babboon in the white house. Maybe its because the economy is in such a mess. Maybe its because we've lost too many loved ones in the past few years. Could be all of the above.

My son and I have decided not to exchange gifts. His philosophy, and I dare anyone to argue philosophy with my son, is that why should we feed into the mindless spending and gift-giving that everyone seems to be about? The real reason, is of course, Travis. Travis who loved Christmas. Travis who always kept a Christmas tree in his own room. Travis, the healer, the go-between, the feel-good person. We miss his quiet dignity, his absolute devotion, and his spontaneous outspokenness. We miss Travis, and it just can't be Christmas if he isn't here. There are a few who understand completely why we just really deep down want to bypass the whole holiday season. Go from Thanksgiving to January 2. But, it doesn't work that way. So, we make an effort. We put up a tree, we decorate the house, and we watch the cats bat the ornaments around the house like soccer balls. If one falls off, it takes us a few days to put it back. Somehow, we just don't care.

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I don't think Dave and I are an item anymore. But I met this guy online, and he sounds wonderful. You'll never guess, but his name is Dave, too. Meaning also. Which is odd, as the last 3 men in my life have all been named Dave. Is this some kind of sign?

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I started a new job. I like it. I'll probably go back. I understand that I will actually get paid. Cool, huh?

Oh, ho ho ho hum......

Listen while I bang the drum

Of loneliness, and heartbreak, too,

And a merry freaking Christmas to you....

Ah, but cheer up lassy,

It could always be worse

You might have to read

This horrible verse.

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Think before you speak... Here are five reasons why you should think before you speak - The last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could Immediately take the words back... Or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow And asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word...
He knew better.


SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls"

THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall and Passed by a store that sold a Variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, The boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, My sister has never let me forget.

FORTH TESTIMONY : While in line at the bank one afternoon, My toddler decided to release Some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of Her after receiving looks of disgust And annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you Kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and Walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY: Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, So of course I checked My seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. The realized that Danny Had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, And he said "No" I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
Bent over, spread his cheeks And yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better, Thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY: This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days And a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, In the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, The day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, Turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard! Now, didn't that feel good?

Some Funnies

When we come to the edge of the light we know, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, of this we can be sure .. Either God will provide something solid to stand on or .... We will be taught to fly. (or drop like a ton of bricks... hey, is my mother here? did she say that? Mom, that's so negative, please!)

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The Quarter

A father walks into a bookstore with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, and goes blue in the face.

The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts to panic, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, carefully puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, arises from her seat, and makes her way, unhurried, across the book store.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants. She takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever more firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"

"No," the woman replied. "Divorce attorney".

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THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa , half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe , well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like India , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France , gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain , with a glorious and all conquering past. Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel , has been through war and doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada , self-preserving but open to meeting new people. After 70, she becomes Tibet , wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages...only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iran , Ruled by a prick

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A Blonde Catholic

On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.

When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "It's Lent."

In tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?"

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Businessman's Adventure

Checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely, so I thought I'd get one of those girls you see advertised in the phone booth when you're calling for a cab.

I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs all the way up to her butt, you know the kind.

So I'm in my room and figure, what the hell, I'll give her a call. "Hello?" the woman says. God she sounded sexy. "Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait.

I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is s-e-x. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now.

I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we'll do it. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night. Tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in chocolate syrup and whip cream, anything you want baby. Now, how does that sound?"

She says, "That sounds fantastic, but for an outside line you need to press 9."

(hooker doll)

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Bed sheets

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter), who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?" The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost."

(some ghosts can't spell)

Happy Halloween !!!

(me and my cat Roscoe)

humor funnies life silliness

Untitled

I'm back after fighting with my modem for the past two days. It was a fearsome sight to behold. It had me down for the count one time, but I put it in a head lock, while wrestling it to the floor, and finally got the upperhand. I will be one happy camper when my broadband comes home to stay.

Bruno left something in my comments section about how I needed to get my life back before I became the neighborhood sucker. (That doesn't sound right, does it? But I know what he means.)  If I didn't have to wait an hour and a half for the page to load, I would call it back up, and quote it word for word, but its on the post second before this one. And, he speaks the truth. Now, I wish he would just move in here for about two or three weeks and help me. HA!  No, I don't need any help, as I am the devil.  (I probably should quit saying that, it gives me a weird feeling inside.) Like I've just had tea with George Bush and he was talking about the latest book he read, "Tip and Mitten".

 "See, Tip is this little dog, cute little rascal, and Mitten is a cat, also cute, don't get me wrong, but there's something about that cat, might be an insurgent, don't know, gonna talk to Daddy about it...get some feedback...got to  jump right on this thing!" 

Well, I found myself volunteering to babysit for two 10 year old boys. It started out as a get them on the bus to school type of situation, and I thought, yeah, I can handle that, but school doesn't start for three or four weeks. (Slap on the forehead! Ouch!!) The young lady is trying so hard to get custody of her children again, and I want to help, so badly, that I have also volunteered to be a witness at the proceedings.  I should be locked in my room with a month full of mystery books, and not allowed to leave.

I took her to work, and the plan was to have the boys come over here when they woke up, as her "friend" cannot stay there while she has her children with her. Her decision, no one elses. So, C comes here.  You remember C?  Got his car repo'ed? When I got home, C hadn't gone to work, and my favorite neighbor of all time, you guessed it, was already here talking to my son, and to use the phone. Now, if all I had to worry about was me, the conversation would have probably been short and sweet. Get the fuck out of my house, you, over there, on the phone. But, I also have my son, who for whatever reason values this woman, and as I want him in my life always, I will make certain accommodations for those he cares about.  And that's just how it will be. This is a decision I made two years ago, and I may gripe about it, but usually I relate these stories for their humorous appeal, rather than their gripe factor. If I wanted to gripe, gosh, there is so many more worthy things to choose from, the list is endless. I wouldn't know where to start.

All through my life I have met and enjoyed the company of some fairly odd and strange people. They are drawn to me, or vice-versa, and I have learned a great deal from them. Some of it was even beneficial. But never have we spent a day window shopping, or fixing each other's hair, or doing whatever it is that normal people do. As you can see, I am guessing here.

So, where was I? Ah,  the babysitting, which I had volunteered to do...Well, C said he would watch them, as he wasn't working, and he was going to take them fishing. I wrestled with the modem, and learned that C had let the boys go to the Butt girl's house to play with her demon child. Ok, ok, that is so mean, even I take offense.  He is not a demon child.  He just acts like one. No, he has issues.  Its just that sometimes I look at him and I think there goes a future Ted Bundy.  I somehow picture him with a box of little animal bones buried somewhere in the woods close by. When a lady stopped and asked if I had seen two little dogs that were missing, it was all I could do to keep from shrieking, "Oh, God, They're in the box!  Good God, in heaven, they're in the box!!"  I just said I would watch for them. (They're in the box.)

Well, of course demon child came back with the two boys, and spent the day with them, which made their mom quite angry as they were not supposed to go there, and C caught hell, but it should have been me, and why, I'm not sure. There, now that makes perfect sense I know.

Tension is in the air, though, not from me, but a show-down between two moms of 10 year olds, and when the forces collide in fury and thunderous energy, I hope I am at Food Lion or somewhere safe, deciding between a plain chocolate bar or one with almonds.

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