As the poem below describes, I have decided it is time to let Travis go. It hurts. It hurts more than anything I have ever done. But, he is not of this world anymore. I can't turn him into a Saint, though I wish I could. I still try to convince myself sometimes that it was a mistake.
I saw my therapist, and we talked. We talked about this, and I could tell what she was saying made sense because her words reached my heart and gave it a good shake. It's not goodbye. It's just letting him move on, letting him rest in peace. Letting him do whatever it is we do when we die.
A passage of the bible always bewildered me. "Let the dead bury the dead." I always thought that it meant those who were dead in Christ, meaning not reborn in his name. Not recognizing him as the Messiah. Whether you do or not is not the purpose of this post. That is your decision. But that particular passage always struck me as being so cold and heartless. Of course we must revere those who have gone on before us. Left to me, there would be shrines dotting the south east for those I have lost. And of course, the biggest and brightest would be for Travis.
Maybe the bible passage also means that the world is for the living, not the dead. Their concerns are over, finished. At least on this go round. I see no reason why we can't live as many lives as is necessary for us to achieve what some call perfection or nirvana. All Jesus said was that each man (or woman...) would die. God said that back in the Garden, I think, not sure. Contrary to popular belief, I was not there. Many may think I was the serpent, but I have to pass that role onto someone else. Seems he's calling himself Legion these days. I kinda liked Lucifer myself. Or perhaps he calls himself 'evil, with a little e,' as Steve King says in many of his books. Just a way we use to downplay the Evil in the world.
I can already see the comments. I am not being sacrilegious, am I? I am just trying to understand that passage. Theologians have probably argued it for years, amongst themselves. We already have a few interpretations out there floating around for us to mull over. I doubt we'll ever understand what he really means. The full message behind those few words. But for me, I will take away the fact that life is for the living. As much as I want to, I have not been over run with lively spirits, liquid or otherwise.
Life is for the living. That should be easy to remember.
