Horoscopes and other strangeness....

"January 30, 2008

If you come across someone a little strange today, try and get to know them, because that person could be the reflection of yourself. That person will help you to see how modern and innovative you are, and how much you should actually appreciate your very wonderful qualities. Meeting this person could be a kind of exercise in self-satisfaction."

A little strange, huh? A reflection of myself? What the hell does that mean? Even my horoscope is telling me I am a nut job. What's up with that?

My tarot reading was even worse. It stated I should not get involved in the tension floating around in my personal environment. So, I'm thinking, now, what tension? I know my guests are hungry. They have this thing about food: they like it. And lots of it. I need a bigger refrigerator. And a freezer. Lord, if I knew this would happen, I would have thought twice. Nah, not really. I'm a big ole easy pushover for people in need. I can't help it, and don't know if I really want to.

J and T are doing fine. They have kept me in good company while EJ is away. I talk to EJ on the phone, but its not the same as seeing his dear face everyday. He will be home by the end of March, so he says . I miss him. He is one of the few people, if not the only one, who really understands my off-the-wall sense of humor.

I start a new job tomorrow, so wish me luck. The other job was ok, but not enough hours, so I got another one. There are jobs out there if you look, and lower your standards, just a tad, money-wise. It helps to look at it from the perspective that whatever you make an hour is better than 0 an hour. That's just the facts. And more companies, especially chain stores, seem to be promoting from within. Maybe they are tired of training new employees, I don't know, but they are offering a lot of incentives that may make up for the lower pay up front.

I'm not quite sure what Bush's plan for boosting the economy is about. I've heard many rumors, but it still seems like a short term plan for a long term problem. If somebody out there knows more about it, please leave a comment. I am curious.

(<-crazy?)

How vulnerable are you to stress? - Stressed Out- msnbc.com

How vulnerable are you to stress? - Stressed Out- msnbc.com

I took this little masterpiece of a test and found out I am somewhat vulnerable to stress. Ladies and Gentlemen, please!! We are all somewhat vulnerable to stress. That's what sparks the flight or fight mechanism that has been tormenting us for years. Some are more apt to be stressed than others, yes, this is true. But stress affects us all to some degree, and it wouldn't surprise me if your economic circumstances had a huge role to play.


SCOFF Eating Disorders Test





















I also took this one, and yes, I am at risk for an eating disorder and I wasn't truthful, well, completely truthful, on this one. I know I have an eating disorder. It comes from chewing and swallowing vast quantities of something called food. Alas, I really do have an eating disorder, bulimia. Have had it for years, but it has more to do with control, than food. I could control people or work, but my habit of choice is food. Once you get one of these suckers, it is almost impossible to shake. It creeps into your life along with stress. A variety of medications are out there to help, as well as therapy. I myself have not found therapy that good for eating disorders. And with not too much effort an eating disorder can take over your life. I often see a correlation between eating disorders and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.


Are you a Competitive Stresser?

Now this was a new one on me, as I take all these tests whenever I find them. We won't go into what that says, we ain't got all day, but I can understand the reasoning behind it. You've met them, the ones that no matter how rough you've been having it, they have been having a much, much rougher time? No matter what horrible disease you are battling, they have battled one that was worse? Don't you want to slap the shit out of them sometimes?























Well, I am not competitive in my stress. You have your stress and I have mine. I, for better or worse, tend to make a joke of mine. Also not so good in dealing with stress, is, of course, ignoring it, or trying to.

So, stressed out people of the world, reply with what is stressing you out. Reply anonymously if you choose. Fine by me. Rant a little, but not about me, Ok? I got enough stress right now to choke a medium sized horse.

Much Ado About Nada....

Things have been quite hectic back at the ole ranch.  I have people staying with me now, and EJ is out of town.  It's up to me to establish rules and regulations. I hate it.  I hate drama of any kind. I only watch scary or funny movies, or historical dramas.  Or Law and Order, as I have to keep tabs on my boyfriend, Vincent.

With all these people, there is a lot of tattling going on. "He said," or "She said," but frankly, my dears, I don't give a rat's ass!! And I don't. People will talk, you know. And personalities will clash.  I always have my room to retreat to, with my cats, of course.

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I was very sad to hear of the death of Heath Ledger. A wonderful young actor, my favorite film of his would probably be The Four Feathers.  If you have not watched it, I highly recommend it. It would be classified as a historical drama or adventure.

Why must they die so young? And what in the world did Mary Kate have to do with anything? Surely he wasn't dating her? Isn't she the one who looks rather ghoulish? I don't know, can't keep up with the twins as I hated the show that spawned them. HA!

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I gain new respect for my special friend Dave every day.  He is not only a nice person, but highly perceptive about other people.  He has opened my eyes to alternate ways of looking at things. We have, of course, agreed that we will always be special friends of sorts, but that we are not seeking a long term commitment.  (Satan, get thee behind me!!)  Wait, I must cross myself, and say a few prayers of protection as I put the word commitment to paper.

Yes, I am afraid of commitment at this time in my mid-life.  I'm already committed to Vincent, and I should be committed for other reasons. Plus I must constantly fend off attentions from my neighbor, Roger, who is well known for his European persona, i.e., Roman hands and Russian fingers.....(an old phrase, but still useful).

I like living alone. I get the bed all to myself. My cats can sleep anywhere they choose, and I have full control of the remote.  My room can be messy and unorganized, or everything in its place, depending on my energy and skill level at any given time.  I can stay on the computer for hours, with no one saying, "I don't know why you spend all that time on that damned thing...".  And, most important, my comings and goings are my business and no one else's. I love it.

Now, I'll probably fall madly in love with Roger and move in with him. (Get thee behind me Satan, and quit pushing, dammit!)

A few words on grief:

*"Complicated grief can be differentiated from normal grief, in that, normal grief typically involves at least two of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' 5 grief stages, though not necessarily in any order. Complicated grief typically cycles through these 5 stages and then some, processing them out of order and often much more rapidly. Some people commit suicide to end the pain and suffering of grief. Examples of complicated grief can often be found in those who have survived a suicide attempt (Hsu, 2002). While the experience of grief is a very individual process depending on many factors, certain commonalities are often reported. Nightmares, appetite problems, dryness of mouth, shortness of breath, sleep disorders and repetitive motions to avoid pain are often reported, and are perfectly normal. Even hallucinatory experiences may be normal early in grief, and usual definitions will not suffice, necessitating a lot of grace for the bereaved. Complicated grief responses almost always are a function of intensity and timing: a grief that after a year or two begins to worsen, accompanied by unusual behaviors, is a warning sign, but even here, caution must be used; it takes time to say goodbye."

I'm beginning to believe I fall into this category. One day I feel OK with things, the next I am wracked with the question, Why? I spend enormous amounts of energy just trying to accept that what has happened is real. Memories are so bitter-sweet they hurt.

Many people fall into this category, and just as the article states, it takes time. I talked with a neighbor lady, who had just lost her daughter, this past week. She wants to die to be with her daughter again. I am trying to counsel her. I suddenly realized it was like the "blind leading the blind." Sooner or later I would run into a brick wall. And I couldn't fault her reasoning, just repeated platitudes that I had heard.

Perhaps in a way it ties into Babzy's latest post. Perhaps this is something that happens to Highly Sensitive People, or not, I don't know, but it does make sense.

Just give us a little more time. That's all we really need: time.

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I am suffering from writer's block. I can't even come up with workable topics, other than this one, and its one I've done dozens of times before. We all suffer through it at one point, I guess.

Maybe my upcoming birthday is throwing me off. (Notice how I inserted that little hint there? Shameless..) I will be fifty-three. I didn't really think I would make it this far with the cancer and all. But, I'm still here. For better or worse.

*Wikipedia

Hillary won in New Hampshire, the price of gas is horrendous, everything we eat is bad for us, so, today, people, we laugh. Warning-adult humor follows. If you are a six year old kid reading this then stop now. Some would call this sexist and sick humor. They would be right. But, what the hey, it makes me laugh. Hope it does you too.





































































































(my personal favorite...which one is yours?)













































More sick humor from the demented mind of just me. What makes it even funnier is that they were sent to me by a cultured, prim, trim, matron of 70. May I always be so young at heart.